Sunday, August 15, 2010

All There is to Say

She's a mom just like me. 3 kids ushered into adulthood. You think you're done. You're safe. More importantly they're safe...  And then you bury your son-in-law. The 32 year old father of your grandchildren and the man that your daughter loves more than anyone. And you grieve, and do what you can for her and the children, and think that the worst is behind you. Your new world is your daughter and her children because they now live with you. You go back to work. You think that the worst is behind you.

Until 6 months later it isn't.

*****

I don't know how she found out. I imagine that, whether it was a phone call or a knock at the door, it had to be the worst moment of her life. Worse even than the day your son-in-law died, because this time, it was her own son. Her flesh. Her only son.

*****

They buried him last Friday. A handsome young man of 24, who had unseen demons; buried anguish. He thought there was no way out. He took his own life.

*****

His closest friends preceded the hearse on their bmx bikes from across the road. The pall bearers wore white gloves while they rode, dark sunglasses blocking the harsh glare of the mid-day summer sun and the sadness in their eyes. Young men are supposed to be strong, right? The other riders followed, showing their respect. I'd never seen that before. There was such sorrow in that simple act of riding slowly with the hearse. Such quiet grief, yet also a show of solidarity. They were a community, after all.

I can imagine what those white-gloved young men, and the young women that accompanied them were thinking. Why? How could I have helped? What made him do it? Other things. Things that 24 year old kids shouldn't have to think about. Things that none of us should have to think about.

*****

No one should have to bury their children. I think we can all agree on that. It's just not the natural order of things. Many in this blogging community have had to bury their children. I've learned from them that there is nothing to say. No way to make it better or easier.

I was there on Friday. An acquaintance, but there anyway. It felt inadequate to say, "I'm so, so sorry." Yet that's all there was to say to a mother burying her son.

Her only son.

Headless Mom

7 comments:

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

There are no words...

My mom buried her daughter-my only sister-two years ago last month. I continue to cry every day.

Erica M said...

This is so sad, HM. Thanks for sharing.

kyooty said...

So very very sad. prayers for this family

Jess said...

I pray every night for my son to stay safe, I cannot imagine my entire life gone just like that, for it would be gone if my son, my only son, my only child passed away.

Anna See said...

This is so sad.

Issas Crazy World said...

It's so sad. Just so horribly sad. Nothing you can say seems right.

But the support? That is what matters.

Just Breathe said...

How sad, nothing worse. I will keep her in my prayers.