Monday, April 2, 2012

I Blew It

Being the mom of a preteen is hard. Oh so hard.

Some days are easy because they get it, and the homework load is light, you say the right thing, and a unicorn somewhere is shitting rainbows.

Other days, though, they don't get "it" (whatever it is,) there is more homework than daylight hours, you can't say the right thing to save your life, and the unicorn is constipated.

I want so much for a particular preteen to know and understand how fully his parents love him. How much that my loving correction is for the best: for him and for our family.

I blew it tonight. Out of frustration for a situation I wrote a short but very snarky blog post. One that other moms may have found humorous, but when he saw it over my shoulder it wasn't funny at all. I deleted it, of course, and would have whether he had seen it or not. The damage was done though. I admitted my mistake, explained that it came from frustration at the situation, and that I love him. I love him so so so much.

I wish I could make him hear me. Really hear me deep down in his heart, hear how much I love him and would never intentionally hurt him. I feel terrible that he saw my written frustration; wish I could erase that moment.

*sigh*

Being a mom is hard, y'all. I wish that being a mom didn't come with a prerequisite that you would fail over and over again. I want to do this right and I more often feel like I'm doing it terribly wrong.



Headless Mom

31 comments:

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

This is why I think being a mom is truly the hardest job on the planet and live in awe of all of you (I am not a mother). Yes, you are a mom. But you are also human. Sometimes it seems like the two can't co-exist. You're going to have bad days, get frustrated, make mistakes, but that doesn't mean you aren't a good mom or aren't doing the best for your children or don't love them. I think it's good you wrote the post. Writing can be a way of helping us release and deal with our feelings. I hope you and your son will mend things soon.

Tracy @ Scribblesaurus said...

Oh man, if I had a nickle for every mothering fail so far.. and my kid is only three. I know how badly you must have felt when he saw your post, but you did the right thing by admitting that it hurt him, explaining and apologizing. And by all reports, preteens won't understand a damned thing you say until they are, oh, around 40. Try not to be too hard on yourself :) And I'll bet he really does know how much you love him.

my honest answer said...

It's so hard, and, though I don't know you, I'm sure you're doing a great job!

I have a rule never to publish a blog post in anger. Sure you can delete it - but it will still go out to rss readers, and, once it's out there, there's really no getting it back.

It's one of those things you only do once though, (like accidentally sending an e-mail about someone, to that someone by mistake!), because it makes you feel so crappy afterwards.

Tomorrow will come, and those unicorns might be on your side!

Louise Ducote said...

On the up side, it's good for kids to see the grownups grovel every so often. Your apology is obviously heartfelt; it will be okay, mama!

Carmen said...

Oh, you KNOW I've done this a time or twenty two. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be a better day. I promise.

xoxoxo

Jenn and Casey said...

Big hug. I think the only failure is to stop trying. So may unicorns shit all over you today! <3

Robbie K said...

It is so freaking hard...and for me gets harder as they get older...so much more to deal with. Give me the drama over poopy diapers and feedings every 2 hours over the roller coaster of emotions of a 10 yr old boy!

Shannon Entin said...

There are a lot of lessons here for him, too. I've been struggling with this a lot lately - how much of our parenting struggle do we share with our teens? Some parents (often, the men) think we should be strong and silent. Some think we should share our feelings. I don't think any child will "get" what we go through until they have their own kids, but I still think it's OK to try to show them that their actions can hurt and anger and frustrate us.

Heather E said...

But you try which is more than some parents. Give yourself a little credit- you're right, not every day is sunshine and rainbows, but in each storm, comes the light again :)

Rocks In The Wash said...

Now that the unicorn has eaten several Ex-lax brownies, all should become "regular" once again.

Parenthood, yes, is difficult. There are days that things go so smoothly, then there are the days that seem to fall apart. Not to worry; all will get better.

One of the great things about having a pre-teen, is that you can sit down and talk with them about BOTH sides of the situation, and that they can actually see your side!

Sending you (((HUGS))) from the Midwest.

Jade said...

:( This must be the pre-teen equivalent of going to bed shattered by the guilt of screaming at your toddler/pre-schooler all evening, right? Commiserations. And thanks for the heads-up.

christina said...

oy i kinda dread the preteen and teen years. right now, at 2, life is awesome. :) but i still make mistakes and i apologize even though she's only 2. we're human. we have to show them we're human. making mistakes and apologizing- that's being human. and telling him and showing him you love him when he's being a ... preteen :)... that's love and he does know it, i believe.

Delilah Love said...

That sucks. As the mom of a tweenie I am cringing in sympathy. I have moments that I wish I could take back all the time. Half the time I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and then I'm like 'yo, I'm the PARENT in this house'. Gah! Good for you for apologizing and showing him that everyone makes mistakes and it's how you handle them that counts most.

Miranda said...

The regret you express here shows just how much you love your son and how sorry you are about the situation. You may feel like you are always failing, but the love you feel for your son is the biggest thing and you are definitely getting that right (it's sad to think that some parents don't).

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

Ditto everything Sarcasm Goddess said (still nodding my head in solidarity). But this has happened to me before on the phone and the repercussions were swift and painful Hell hath no fury like a pissed off preteen. Anyway, the good news is that you will be more careful and considerate next time, BUT you are only human and we all screw up, soooo. . . there will be a next time. Grace and love fix everything. He will be fine. You all be fine. It will all be fine. Thanks for the honest-to-goodness realness of this! Erin

Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy said...

Don't beat yourself up too much. We all need to vent sometimes, and we all make mistakes. It sounds like you're a great mom to me!

Michelle Longo said...

I don't have a preteen, but I'm sure it's worse than the hurt feelings of a 5 year old. It sucks when we disappoint people, particularly those we love so much. We all make mistakes. Open communication about it, I would guess, is the best way to fix it. I'm sure he knows how much you love him.

Gia said...

Aww, don't be too hard on yourself! I'm sure he'll get over it soon enough - kids bounce back, no?

Susan said...

oh, i do feel for you - i live in fear of the preteen years (and teen, for that matter). we all do things we wish we could take back but the depth of your desire to reach him, really, really reach him, is so wonderful that I know you will.

Ben @ Dad of the Decade said...

I bet he did hear you, even if he can't fully process it. Here's hoping the discussion you had after, admitting a mistake, and rectifying that mistake are what sticks. I bet they will be.

According to Mags... said...

Big hugs to you. I can understand. I believe he'll understand where you're coming from once he calms down and really thinks about the situation. Hang in there!

Tara said...

oh...my mama heart pulls for you. We are but human, but it is hard when other people's hearts are on the line too. you're doing great mama.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Motherhood is a tough gig, it is, at all stages. I can't even imagine preteen years as my son is only 2, but gosh, can I understand the guilt you're feeling. Don't worry, kids are very resilient AND forgiving. Hang on in there!

CC Jen said...

Don't beat yourself up! Parenting is incredibly hard, and parenting a preteen/tween/teen even harder. My own kids are young but I have teenage nieces, and I've seen my sister (who is seriously the most awesome person ever) struggle tremendously in raising them. When he is grown up, he will look back and understand that you loved him and did the best you could.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am pretty sure you are doing it right most of the time. I have many things I wish I could have taken back. We live and learn, gaining strength and wisdom along the way.

Mary @ A Simple Twist Of Faith said...

Motherhood is the toughest job I ever had. It is an emotional roller coaster. I really feel you. I hope today was a better day.

Youngman Brown said...

That is just bad luck.

I think it is healthy and therapeutic to write about things that frustrate us. I have written so many things that I would never share with anyone else, but the simple act of writing them out did a world of good for my mentality.

You should ask him to write his frustrations down about you. Whether or not you want to see it is a different question entirely, but either way, such an exercise might help him to vent his emotions during an understandably tough time for a young man, as well as help him to understand why you wrote about your frustrations with him.

Mirjam said...

Luckily, my son sees the humor in it when I write about him. I hope it stays that way.
Being a mom of a preteen is hard.
As long as you make sure that there are plenty of loving moments where you hug him and tell him you love him, (even if he doesn't like it)it will be okay. They will eventually understand that all we want is the best for them.
Maybe you should let your son do a guest post..

Andee Eve@ bearing fruit said...

I just love how real you are. Thanks for sharing.

KimP said...

Pre-teen sons = a lot of funk and what the hell did I do this time along with kiss me around the corner and don't talk so loud.

Karen said...

I'm sorry!!!!! But just know u r teaching him a valuable lesson.....u made a mistake and fessed up to it. Plus when he does something similar he will remember this and realize everyone makes mistake. But it still hurts :)