On Traffic, Blogging, Stirring the Pot, Monetization, and Who the Hell am I, Anyway?

One of my lovely and talented roommates at the BlogHer conference has been going through a sort of identity crisis of late. Not a personal one, really, but a blogging one. On Saturday afternoon, sitting in our room before the evening's keynote address we talked about our blogging identities; what we blog for and about. (I wish we'd had more time for that conversation, it could have lasted all weekend.) 

I began blogging almost 3 years ago because I wanted to join this community that I'd been reading. Women, writing about their lives, making friendships that have no physical boundaries, heading to great cities once a year to visit and learn and laugh together. Sounded like just what the doctor ordered for me after sitting in my house for 7 years nursing, changing diapers and driving the carpool.

I've never been much of a writer. Yes, I have an English degree, but if my grades from college are any indication I'm only mediocre. I have forgotten all the rules of grammar, half-learned in a summer class, from a professor who thought I was cute and liked to give me Necco candies, communion-style. I write like I speak, in half-thoughts, fragmented sentences, with too much punctuation added for pauses where sighs and hand gestures would be. My blogging, I suppose, is my coffee date with my readers, only without the cussing thrown in. You'd get that if you were in my kitchen.

Shannon asked, (I'm paraphrasing here,) "What kind of blogger are you? What is your specialty?", and it got me thinking, again. I've tried to answer that question over and over, for a year or more, and all I can come up with is that I'm a "Nice Blogger." Boring. But! I don't like controversy or ugly disagreement. I shy away from conflict even in my real life, so putting it here, on this blog, is not my cup-of-tea, so to speak. There are things that I think I do well, and in my previously professional life I actually taught people to do those things, but it doesn't translate so well on a blog. See: I can carry 4 full water glasses in one hand at a time. Wordless Wednesday, maybe, but not so great for that traffic-getting, pro-blogger, propel-me-onto-the-A-list kind of post, right? See also: I can alphabetize a 16-foot rack of cd's in less time than you could probably even get through a 4 foot section. Great skill when I was doing that job; again, not translatable to blogging.

Headless Dad sometimes will listen to me talk about what I've read on other peoples' blogs. His interests lean heavily toward the political and when I read something that he would agree with, I share. He keeps telling me that I should write about politics; that it would get me lots of traffic. Probably true. But if you read the paragraph above you know that I don't like conflict, and politics, like few other subjects, is polarizing and brings out the trolls. Not light on the conflict, that subject 'politics.' Even he and I don't talk about it much, nor do I typically talk politics with my family or friends. I don't like to stir the pot, really. I know my position on issues, (conservative, if you must know,) but having to defend them in such a public forum, when others do it so much better than I could, makes me afraid that I'd just end up sounding stupid in comparison. Not the image that I want to portray.

Nor do I want to alienate friends that I've made here. Many of my friends, (and yes, they are friends,) completely disagree with me on public policy. Or I disagree with them. Whatever. Do I think I'm right? Of course. Do they think they're right? Certainly. Do I think that my thoughts on any subject would sway anyone? Not on your life. Those kinds of debates raise my blood pressure and push me to say things like, "Who would like a fresh cocktail? Cheese ball? How 'bout those Broncos?" (Which, if you live in Denver, can be a heated subject all on it's own, especially with Tebow in the blue and orange, but I digress...)

No, politics is not my thing. I'm not a working mom that can tell you how to balance all of the things that you have to get done. I don't home school. My kids are not prodigies or have special needs. My marriage is solid but no where near perfect. I'm a terrible Christian. I'm not thin or fat, nor am I an exercise or health food fanatic. My house does not look like a magazine and you can often find dropped food drying under the dining room table waiting to be vacuumed up, some day. I have trouble with our family budget. I have shelves over the bar that desperately need to be dusted, and a bathroom that perennially smells like pee thanks to the little boys that live here. I smoke and drink and cuss, but don't do it around you because I want to be polite. I don't like to rock the boat.

So where does that leave me? The mediocre writer that shies away from conflict, with no other skills or passions to write about, who wants to have a slightly larger readership so I could have a pedicure once a month instead of once a year? (See top of left sidebar for the reference, if you're unsure.) Or, if you want to know the truth? I'd love to be able to pay off the balance of what I spent on going to the BlogHer Conference with the money that I make here. There. I said it. I want to make money on this. And, as a little peek into my ego, I'd love to be a blogger that was sought out, recognized, on someone's list of "Oooh! I'd love to meet her!"

I don't really know where this is going, as a post, or as a direction for this blog. I think I'm capable of lots of things. I 'run' in lots of internet circles, have a diverse group of internet friends, a small but seemingly devoted group of readers. Is it worth alienating some of them (you) for a little traffic? No, absolutely not. Yet, growing this thing, making it bigger and more profitable, at least in dollars and cents, is becoming important to me, and more importantly, important to our family's bottom line.  Just how to do that and stay true to me is the real question, I guess. But who is the true-blogging-Me? What is my draw? Like Shannon said, What kind of blogger am I?