Thursday, July 16, 2015


March. My last post. Things have been pretty crazy around here. I'll catch you up on some things, others I'll leave out. I have lots I want to write about but the first post after such a long absence is always awkward. Klunky.

We finished the second class at church. Really good. This class focused on healing from the big hurts in your life, learning how to forgive, and learning how to ask for forgiveness. In April I attended a women's retreat at the same camp that my kids have gone to for about 15 years. It's up in our local mountains and really beautiful. I'm glad I now have the perspective to understand what my kids talk about!

The 6 weeks following the retreat? All unblogable. Probably some of my worst days ever, for lots of different reasons.

My parents came for a lovely visit. As usual, too short! The first few weeks of summer for the kids were relaxing. We didn't do much but that was by design because since the 15th of June we haven't stopped moving. For real.

The short version of the rest of the summer: June 19 leave for vacation, June 20 arrive at campsite in Colorado. Leave June 29, home midnight June 30. July 1 clean and return motorhome. Pack the boys for their next trip. Deliver luggage July 3. Boys leave July 5. Boys return July 13. #2 reports to football camp in San Diego July 16. Pick up #2 on the 20th. #1 goes to music camp every day from July 20-24, driving into LA. (Up to 2 1/2 hours each way, depending on traffic!) Then all of the local stuff starts: marching band camp, football, register at school.

I'm tired just reading all of that and it's not over yet.

So there's your nutshell version of the last 4 months. There are way more fun things that I'd like to write about so I wanted to get this out of the way. Please, please tell me what you're doing this summer? Tell me what your kids are doing or where you went for vacation? Write whatever you want in my comments. I miss you. I miss our conversations.

Let's get back to this, shall we?

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Topsy Turvy

I know I haven't been around. January. That's pretty lame. I'm so sorry. I have been having my world rocked in an amazing and wonderful way. More on that in a moment....

First, I owe you the follow up on the colonoscopy thing. All of the polyps were clear of cancer or anything else. Phew! My 'difficult' colon was the reason that I ended up waking up-the procedure took about 3x as long as it normally does! Ultimately everything was fine, so I'll take it. Thank you for your prayers!

If you follow this page on Facebook or are friends with me there you know that I've been taking classes at our church. These have been great classes, seriously SO GOOD. The first class focused on who we are in Christ, and the second one is about healing from sin: the hurt from the sins against us and the hurt of the sins that we've committed against others. In a nutshell, it's all about being a disciple of Christ. Really knowing what it means to follow him and understand the crazy authority and capacity for love that we have when we are in Him is GAME CHANGING. For real. I've learned more about God, more about myself, and what direction my life is supposed to be going. All good stuff, I assure you. I've learned about prayer, about how to let God's words soak into your soul, and more.

I will be sharing more, I'm sure, but if you have any questions please let me know! Shoot me an email, or leave a question in the comments. I'm not afraid, and you shouldn't be either.

Interestingly enough, HD is doing the classes too and having an equally radical experience. It's also doing wonders for our marriage. For real. When was the last time that you had a conversation with your husband about what God was speaking to you about? It changes you.

I hope that you'll stick around to learn more. I promise that this is good stuff. I hope that my writing can do justice to the great things that I'm learning, and more importantly internalizing. It feels good, and I want you to have it too!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

The Antidote for Fear

~ headless mom

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Putting It Out There

Sometimes I read posts from friends like Becki (among others,) and I think "Man, she is so brave to put it all out there." After my last 48 hours, I understand a little how she does it. I'll start at the beginning....  And, for what it's worth, I'll try to be gentle on everyone's sensibilities. It is a colonoscopy that we're about to discuss.

Since My husband is past 50 and my dad had colon cancer, our doctor sent both of us to get colonoscopies. Yay! The 2 for 1 special! Ahem. HD went last Monday and the prep and procedure went perfectly. No sweat. Since I'm 'only' 46 I assumed that I would have it just as easy. Boy, was I wrong.

Sunday we went to church and did other things like a normal day, but I wasn't allowed to eat as part of the prep. Liquid diet until 4 pm, then start drinking the solution. Fine. The instructions say that most people start to, um, go after the first hour or so. Nope. Not me. I didn't start going after until 7 pm. (I had even started looking online for 'what if the prep doesn't work?') Anyway, I finally got to bed just before midnight.

My check in time was 9 am, so after getting the kids to school, we went down to the hospital. It was about an hour before I was called back to get ready and was taken in to the procedure room not long after that. The nurse in the procedure room introduced himself, and the female nurse that would be in the room as well. My doctor shook my hand and went back to doing something on his phone while the nurses did their thing. I was given the medication and quickly fell asleep, at about 10:15 or so. Not long after that I woke up. I remember feeling pain and silently starting to cry. I continued to feel what was going on and could see what they were doing on the tv screen. Have you ever been really deep in sleep and tried to wake yourself out of a nightmare? That is how I felt. I let out a pretty loud moan/cry. That's when I heard the doctor say "Shut her up!"

I don't remember anything else until about 12 when I woke up in the recovery room and they called my husband in. The nurse told us that they had removed about 5 polyps and they were sending them to the lab. I started crying and told my husband, in front of the nurse, what I remembered from the procedure. For the rest of the day I slept and ate a little. I think I was still not actually believing what happened to me.

Today, I'm still not believing it but in a different way. You hear stories of people waking up during surgery but I honestly never thought I'd be one of them. And then to feel pain? It's so hard to describe what that felt like. I am actually still in some pain today. Discomfort mostly. I'm now scared to go to the bathroom and scared that I'll start bleeding. I'm scared to go in next week to get the lab results and see this doctor. I'm scared. That's it.

I'm scared.

So, If you're the praying kind, I'd love to have a few headed my way. Not only for good lab results but for my nerves for the next 10 days. Thanks.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Unintended Benefits of Being 46

Last summer I turned 46 and some of the most amazing things have begun to happen. It's like the lessons that I've always nodded my head at are finally being internalized. I didn't set out to 'make' anything happen but it has. All on it's own.

And it's pretty cool.

Benefit #1:

I no longer care about the few pounds that have settled around my middle. Honestly. If I lose them, fine. If I don't, fine. I'm not 'really big', and I'm not/never have been 'tiny'. Wherever I hover in the middle is fine. Is my family happy and healthy? Are they fed? That's what's important. I also quit smoking in the last few months and if gaining a few means I've quit then I suppose it's good. I no longer care what you, or society, think about my weight.

Benefit #2:

I haven't stressed out about the holidays or other 'events' that our culture says that we have to out-do each other for. We traveled for the holidays again this year (3 years in a row!) and I didn't even start shopping until days after we arrived at our destination. I had a general idea of what I was going to be getting for everyone, and nothing was one of those types of things that was going to be gone in October. Not every gift, for birthdays or Christmas, has to be the MOSTFABULOUSOMGITSTHEBESTPRESENTEVER! Really, it doesn't. Something that the recipient wants or would love is fine. Even if it costs $5. Headless Dad and I set out to give "gift-card-less" gifts this year for most of our list. Guess what? We did it, and to our knowledge, most of the gifts we found were perfect. (Yes, we gave gift receipts.) It was way more fun to go out hunting for something that we knew each person would like rather than throw gift cards at them. You should try it. A no-stress holiday (or birthday,) is the way to go.

Benefit #3:

I've given up on chasing friendships that are not reciprocal. If we have a give and take relationship, great. We'll see each other when we can, not get bent out of shape when we can't, and pick up where we left off. However, if you can't make or find time for me, ever, then I'm done trying. --->> Funny thing about this one? Those 'friends' don't even notice. So, why exactly was I trying so hard in the first place?

Benefit #4:

By my being in 'middle age', my kids are closer to adulthood than diapers. Having teenagers is pretty cool. I really love spending time talking to these guys. Granted, they don't always like talking to me, and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get them to talk, but I really like who they are becoming. I know that they have a long way to go, but watching them grow and develop their passions is fun. We are getting better at spending time doing things together rather than everyone hiding out in a different corner of the house with our own screens and you know what? We actually like it. Ssshhhhh! Don't let the secret out!

I'm so glad that I've been listening to life lately. Life is pretty smart and I'm getting better at listening and putting the lessons to good use. Have you?