Monday, October 3, 2016

nine years

I started this little thing 9 years ago, almost to the day. October first, if memory serves.

I recently proved to myself that I hate F*cebook. Again. But yet.... I vow to do less of that and more of this. If I do that my blood pressure will go down, that is certain. Election years on social media are the worst. I learned that in '08. I never write about politics here except to say that I hate it. So there's that.

It's finally feeling like fall here in the desert southwest. Or California. Whatever. It seems that on or about October 1 every year the evenings finally get cool. Even though we might still run the AC during the hottest days, we can now count on cool evenings. We may not get seasons, per se, but I'll take cool evenings when I can.

The headless boys aren't so little anymore. My #1 is a junior in high school and #2 is a freshman at a different high school. Long story. Thank goodness #1 now drives! I'm getting visions of them being truly grown up and leaving and it is so so bittersweet. In my mind's eye they are still the little ones that bugged me for more legos and had toothy grins for baseball pictures but yet when I really look at them now I see young men that need to shave and are eating us out of house and home. Typical, I guess.

My girl has been married for three years now. So long ago are the days of watching Grey's together on a Thursday night or all sitting around the table for a Sunday family dinner. Our time now is much too short; but I suppose all parents say that of the ones that are flown. A husband, a home and a new life, all without us as daily fixtures. I'm happy for them. I love having a front row to what they are building for themselves. It gives me hope.

And us. We are inching up on 19 years, he and I. Next month. That means that we've been together for twenty. Twenty. It's hard to believe, really. Whether it's my age or feeling wistful, it really is true- the days are long but the years are short. They fly and all of a sudden you're looking at 50 much closer than you ever have and you realize that this life you have, that we built, is such a good life. Such happy days and triumphs that make the bad, sad ones bearable, if just barely. These people that God has gifted me with-the ones in my house, and those who started here and are gone, and the ones I started with, and the friends that we deem family: they are the ones that matter. The ones that lift us. The ones that make us go on when we'd rather disappear into a pint of ice cream. The ones we bend over backward to help even when we don't think there's any help left in us.

What a beautiful life it is, after all. Thanks for hanging around for nine of them. xo

Friday, June 17, 2016

miss you

i miss this.

this space of mine.

i just left a comment on another blog (you should read this post by Steven. it's beautiful) that, in part, said that my fingers are itching.

i want to write.

so many things to share but I don't know where to start.

maybe this is a start. a quick hello to say that I'll be back soon.

my words are coming.

stay tuned.

Monday, November 30, 2015

No Complaints

If you noticed, I did NaBloPoMo with no complaints this year. Usually I'm bitching and moaning by day 5. I guess after 7 years you get the hang of it?

Something I learned this year has mostly happened in my head. I have grand plans for blog posts, and major things to say, and yet?  Most of the month I wrote fluff. I'm sorry about that. First of all, I was, AM, afraid of saying something that is unpopular. I know that this is my space, but I like having friends. Second, I want to be an example of a 'good Christian' and I would hate to say something that would give someone more ammunition to point the finger at 'those Christians'. Especially because those posts composed in my head are not necessarily very nice. Ouch.

I guess what it boils sown to is that I feel like I've lost my voice. I really thought that I would find it by writing every day but that hasn't been the case. I feel more tongue-tied than ever. Even issues that should have been a slam-dunk, (red cups, anyone?), felt more like lead balloons. (Not that I've ever been one to write about the day's popular or controversial topics, but it's easy.)

Maybe it's the time of day that I have available to write. 10 pm after a long day on my feet isn't the best time to pump out a cute story about the kids, or scathing commentary on today's most popular Facebook story. But often this is my only time to write, (like tonight!) Editorial calendars have never been my strong suit.

One thing I did learn, though, is that I do love having this space. I no longer feel pressure to write often, but I love having the space ready for when I do want to write. I like it here. I'm not going anywhere!

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Imma just leave this here

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Big Day

It was a big day for the Headless Boys!

HB#1 turned 16 today. I cannot believe that. It feels surreal. Every day I realize more and more that the years are so short. He will get his license in a couple of weeks. License! Time travel totally feels like a thing.

Thing about HB#1 is that he is smart, driven, and talented. He loves Jesus. He is sweet, compassionate, and kind. And we are so, so proud of him. We will have a proper birthday for him next weekend when his mouth doesn't hurt so badly from his ortho appointment on Wednesday.

HB#2 played in the biggest game of his youth football career today. He had an incredible game. Both teams scored 8 points in the first quarter, and then none the rest of the game. Into OT we went. (The rules of OT in this league are weird. 4 downs from the 10 yard line, each team gets a chance.) The other team had the ball first and scored. Attempted to run for 2 and we stopped them. Then we got the ball. We used our 4 downs but made the TD. Tied at 14. And our kicker made the PAT for the win! Next stop: the Super Bowl/Championship in two weeks.

It's been a long week capped off by an amazing day for my guys. I'm pooped!