50

In one week I will be 50 years old.

Like, really? How does that happen?

Ok, technically, I know how it happens. But we get so caught up in day to day life that sometimes things like this creep up on you and, BAM! You're 50 years old. A half-century. Like when your children are all of a sudden moving out or getting married and you wonder where the years went in between sleepy infant-hood and responsible-bill-paying-adulting? Same phenomenon. Weird.

I'm not to concerned about 50, really. I don't mind the number, itself, but I have started to reflect. Notice changes. And not just the physical ones.

I'm old enough to speak with some authority on life issues, at least in the way that I've experienced them. But also old enough to realize that my experience does not make it law. Old enough and weary enough of life and cycles that I no longer put stock in "politics" or "issues", but in family, and love, and creating a safe place in my home and heart for those that are around me.

I've let go of caring if people know that I've unfollowed them on social media. I no longer have time in my life for people or things that don't respect me or my time or my energy. What does that mean? Return my phone calls, texts, or emails. Honor your commitments to me. Be honest when there needs to be a change in plans, or if I've done something that has hurt you. I'm a big girl. I can take it. I'm also learning how to be honest with the people in my life and have the tough conversations. Sure, it's still a work in progress, but I'm learning. I'm embracing the learning because I know that I (and you,) will be happier and healthier because of it. That is growth, y'all.

50 is an age for reflection like no other before it. I look back on my teens and 20's and am so thankful that we didn't have social media to record all of our mistakes and heartaches. Those years of growth and learning are much better remembered with the haze of time blurring the edges and softening the blow of harsh realities of uninformed opinions and lack of wisdom. Much less comparison of our older bodies and faces mapped with the lines of good living, to the not-even-airbrushed photos of our youth. Sometimes there are things better left unsaid or unviewed! My thirties were a blur of diapers and naps, and cheer competitions, trying to be the perfect wife and mom, and feeling like I was failing miserably. 40 brought perspective. Now 50.

So many things learned in a half-century of living and so many of them long forgotten. Like the name of that boy that I had a crush on, or the address of my first apartment; fleeting things that at the time seemed so important but fade. These things remain: faith, hope, and love. The memories of these things. They remain.

This is what going beyond 50 looks like: holding fast to the things that really matter.

Time and Again

The funny thing about time is... well, it never stops.

See, in my head is till feel like I'm about 25. The mirror reminds me otherwise! And the calendar reminds me that 25 was 25 years ago. Ahem.

And sometimes, if the wind is just right and I'm lost in thought, I'm snuggling my babies while watching Little Bill, and get a big whiff of their sweaty little boy heads. It was just this morning, right?

Or a chill of fall comes through the air and I'm sitting in the stands of a Friday night football game paying little attention to the field, instead, I'm watching my girl dance and jump her way through another routine. A tear of pride blurs my vision....

Was it really 6 months ago that I updated you? That I began to share our 20th anniversary trip and then dropped out of sight? Sigh. So much time and so many memories, so many stories to share, yet where to start? What about you? What has been told in your story this year?

Since time marches on, I guess it's time to update the About page. Dust off the keyboard. Share my stories again and ask about yours. I've been craving your words, and my fingers have been aching to tell the tales.

Dazzle me with you. I'll try to do the same. Let me hold your hand, and you can hold mine and we'll get back to where we used to be... Young and in love with life and time.

My Babies

It's not often this happens anymore. I'm glad I got it on film!

HG was able to come for her youngest brother's 16th birthday a couple of weeks ago. It's tough when she lives so far away and her brothers think she hung the moon. For the first few years since she got married we've been able to see her a couple of times a year since she lived in Colorado but earlier this year she and her husband moved to Mississippi. I'm afraid that we're not going to see her as often in the coming years which is a bummer because we really enjoy their company.  Another reason to celebrate her... She finished her Masters Degree in Healthcare administration last January. I just realized that makes her the most educated person in our family. Well done, Bug!!

I have loved my children at every stage, but I am really enjoying them as they grow into adults. We raised some pretty cool humans.

The Let Down

After the excitement of the last 4 days, today was a total let down. No HG to chat with over coffee, no other family members stopping by. No planes to catch. Y'all, I'm tired!

We kept the secret of her arrival from #2. She came in on Thursday, the day of his final freshman football game, against her alma mater. He hates secrets and surprises. Heh. Except he also didn't have much of a reaction. Jerk. Although during pregame warm ups, he did look at her in the stands and smile and laugh. I guess that's about as much as we'll get out of him. It was a fun game-his team won their league with a 9-1 season!

Friday was a lazy day, but a busy night. We had coffee and talked, and talked. Then in the evening we went to get #2, ate, delivered him back to his school for the varsity football game. Then! Went to #1's high school to watch his marching band play at the varsity football game. Then! Went to get #2 and his girlfriend, took them to get ice cream, then took her home. We were pooped.

Saturday started lazy too, and thanks to HD, it was tasty as well! My niece, and brother in law and sister in law came to see HG and we all had lunch together before #1 had to leave for a marching band competition. Later in the day we went to see them perform (she had never been to one,) and went to dinner before HD had to go to work all night.

Holy cow I'm tired just writing it all out and I haven't even detailed Sunday yet. (Another day!)

It was such a treat to have her here! Her brothers never get enough of her, and neither do we.

Sidenote: We missed her husband this weekend but I'm not sure he missed us. He was in Moab, camping with a friend!

Friday Night Lights

I think she had flashbacks of being a cheerleader all night.

Still fun.

I'll be a little scarce for a few days...

... because this happened today. She came to see her brother play football. And she'll get to see the other one in Marching Band.

It was a good day.

Not Only Mine

I wonder, is it only me? No, it's really not.

2016 has taken so many that we love.

We've mourned music greats from David Bowie, to Prince, to Glen Frey, among others. And actors from Alan Rickman to Abe Vigoda (for real this time!). And other beloved figures like Nancy Reagan, Harper Lee, Pat Conroy, and more.

Point being, it's been a year of national mourning. But not just in the public arena either.

Many of my friends have lost beloved pets. Missing our furry friends is heart-breaking. They fill a 'comforter' role in our lives that other things just can't fill.

But this is the thing:

To date, including myself, there are 11 women in my life that have lost our fathers this year.

Let that sink in, would you?

E.L.E.V.E.N.

Simple math, y'all. It's averaging one beloved daddy a month. Women from all stages of my life: elementary school, high school, college, blogging. And every time I open my computer, or answer the phone to hear of another one, my heart breaks all over again. For them, certainly, but for my other friends and also myself, all over again.

That's not counting the moms that have gone, darn it. Or the men that I know that have lost beloved parents.

If you've lost someone close to you, I am so so sorry. 2016 has been hard on you, too. Like I said yesterday, It's just such a heavy burden to bear. But please know that you are not alone. There are others out here that are bearing that burden, too, and would love to talk about it. We're going through the same things. Reach out when you need to. Pray. God knows how heavy this is.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" Matthew 5:4

It isn't just some mystical comfort that magically comes down from the clouds. God sends us people! Others that are going through just what we are can be such a comfort. One of my friends from high school lost her father not long after mine. I reached out to her privately and we have begun a months long conversation about this grieving process that ebbs and flows. In September we had a good cry over the beginning of the NFL season. Girls crying over football? Yup. We both would call and text our dads on Bronco's game days and their death leaves a 16+ week gap in our year of connecting with our dads.

God sent her to me because she knew EXACTLY how I would feel, when few others would. That is how God comforts the mourning.

Would you let Him comfort you? Cry out to Him. He understands and will send you what you need.

Edited to add: 12. 12 daddies. I just can't. But He can.

3 Posts? Oh 2016, I'm so glad you're almost over.

I just realized that until today, I had only posted all of 3 times so far this year. 3 Posts. Sorry. I continually say that I'll post more but don't. While I have no excuse for the beginning of the year, since April, I do.

On April 5th my father passed away. He was diagnosed with colon cancer back in 2012. He had a successful surgery, 9 long months of chemo in 2013, and was clear for a couple of years after that. He, my mom, and aunt took a "bucket list" trip in April of 2015- a Panama canal cruise. In January of this year he started chemo again for a couple of 'spots' that his oncologist wanted to zap before they got too big, but he didn't tolerate the treatment well. My family visited for spring break last March since he was feeling so crappy. He entered the hospital on March 24 for fluids to help rebuild his strength. It didn't, and he passed a little over a week later. (If you would like to read more about my father this is his obituary.)

The death of my father has been a crushing weight to bear. It is the first time that I have lost someone this close to me. He was such a great father. I always knew that he had my back. He always told me that I was beautiful. He was proud of my husband and my children, and made a point to have a relationship with each of them, right where they were.

I was so blessed to have him. My wish for you is that you have a man in your life, whether it's your father or a father figure, that is just like him. He was loving, social, funny, but most of all generous- with his love, his money, his time, and his home. What a great example.

I could write more, but there seems to be something in my eye.....

nine years

I started this little thing 9 years ago, almost to the day. October first, if memory serves.

I recently proved to myself that I hate F*cebook. Again. But yet.... I vow to do less of that and more of this. If I do that my blood pressure will go down, that is certain. Election years on social media are the worst. I learned that in '08. I never write about politics here except to say that I hate it. So there's that.

It's finally feeling like fall here in the desert southwest. Or California. Whatever. It seems that on or about October 1 every year the evenings finally get cool. Even though we might still run the AC during the hottest days, we can now count on cool evenings. We may not get seasons, per se, but I'll take cool evenings when I can.

The headless boys aren't so little anymore. My #1 is a junior in high school and #2 is a freshman at a different high school. Long story. Thank goodness #1 now drives! I'm getting visions of them being truly grown up and leaving and it is so so bittersweet. In my mind's eye they are still the little ones that bugged me for more legos and had toothy grins for baseball pictures but yet when I really look at them now I see young men that need to shave and are eating us out of house and home. Typical, I guess.

My girl has been married for three years now. So long ago are the days of watching Grey's together on a Thursday night or all sitting around the table for a Sunday family dinner. Our time now is much too short; but I suppose all parents say that of the ones that are flown. A husband, a home and a new life, all without us as daily fixtures. I'm happy for them. I love having a front row to what they are building for themselves. It gives me hope.

And us. We are inching up on 19 years, he and I. Next month. That means that we've been together for twenty. Twenty. It's hard to believe, really. Whether it's my age or feeling wistful, it really is true- the days are long but the years are short. They fly and all of a sudden you're looking at 50 much closer than you ever have and you realize that this life you have, that we built, is such a good life. Such happy days and triumphs that make the bad, sad ones bearable, if just barely. These people that God has gifted me with-the ones in my house, and those who started here and are gone, and the ones I started with, and the friends that we deem family: they are the ones that matter. The ones that lift us. The ones that make us go on when we'd rather disappear into a pint of ice cream. The ones we bend over backward to help even when we don't think there's any help left in us.

What a beautiful life it is, after all. Thanks for hanging around for nine of them. xo

Big Day

It was a big day for the Headless Boys!

HB#1 turned 16 today. I cannot believe that. It feels surreal. Every day I realize more and more that the years are so short. He will get his license in a couple of weeks. License! Time travel totally feels like a thing.

Thing about HB#1 is that he is smart, driven, and talented. He loves Jesus. He is sweet, compassionate, and kind. And we are so, so proud of him. We will have a proper birthday for him next weekend when his mouth doesn't hurt so badly from his ortho appointment on Wednesday.

HB#2 played in the biggest game of his youth football career today. He had an incredible game. Both teams scored 8 points in the first quarter, and then none the rest of the game. Into OT we went. (The rules of OT in this league are weird. 4 downs from the 10 yard line, each team gets a chance.) The other team had the ball first and scored. Attempted to run for 2 and we stopped them. Then we got the ball. We used our 4 downs but made the TD. Tied at 14. And our kicker made the PAT for the win! Next stop: the Super Bowl/Championship in two weeks.

It's been a long week capped off by an amazing day for my guys. I'm pooped!

Firsts

It's nice to know that at 47 there are still things that I haven't done yet. I don't have an official 'Bucket List' but sometimes life surprises you with new things. This year has been one of those years. The following is a list of things that I did for the first time this year. Some are big, (at least for me,) others are little, but added together it's pretty cool that I have done and accomplished so many new things this year.

This year, for the first time, I (we) have:

• taken a cross-country RV camping trip
• met with a lawyer
• driven in LA rush hour traffic regularly
• eaten a fresh fig, right off the tree
• had a big, non-bloggable family crisis that we survived
• negotiated for a scholarship
• taught a communication class/reentered the workforce
• went to camp in our local mountains
• went to Santa Monica pier
• went to Venice Beach
• caught my first fish
• played in a river with my Libby
• there are probably a few more that I've forgotten!

What have you done recently for the first time? Want to blog about it? Do it and let me know and I'll come read about it!

No Apologies

I am blessed, and I know it.

I have an amazing husband who works his tail off to provide me and our children with everything that we need and more. Much more. He adores me, and shows me. Is our marriage perfect? Absolutely not. We both make mistakes but in the end we both CHOOSE to love, honor, and respect one another.

Our children are successful. Our daughter married the man of her dreams and they are building a wonderful life together-on their own. Our sons are successful students and excel in their chosen extra-curricular activities. All 4 of these young adults work so incredibly hard for their success. Do they stumble and make mistakes? Of course. They are young. Still growing and developing. Learning. They do their best to correct their mistakes when they can.

I may not be the perfect mother or wife, in anyone's eyes, but I rise before the sun and retire after my family. I strive every single day to ensure that the people that live under my roof are fed well, have a clean environment, have clean clothes, and are 'fed' spiritually.

There is a war going on in our world and our culture. Sometimes the attack is obvious and loud; sometimes subtle. Covert, even. Make no mistake, Evil attacks from many directions, mostly when we're not looking. Taking a stand for what is True and Right is, amazingly frowned upon in our country. But Evil will not win.

I am on my knees daily for those I love, sometimes literally. (Some days my knees can't handle it, but that's ok.) I serve a Big God, whose Son, Jesus died that I might have life. Do I still sin and make mistakes? Sure. We all do, but I don't try to. I will not apologize for the blessings that we have, for every Good Thing comes from our Father above. We love the Lord and he blesses us. Full Stop. My heart is full and overflowing with gratitude every day that He has chosen to bless us. If those blessings are taken from us tomorrow, we will still serve Him.

Let me repeat: We are blessed. We know it, and know where our blessings come from. There will be no apologies for that. You can hate us if you want, or be jealous of what we have, or stop following our story. Fine. I still won't apologize.

Can I brag on my awesome kids for a minute?

I spent a little time this morning catching up on a few of my favorite blogs and reading about being a parent during your child's senior year got me a little teary. I mean, it's only 2 short years until #1 is a senior, and only 5 years until we're empty-nesters. 5 years, people. 5 years ago my kids were a junior in college, a 5th grader and a 3rd grader.

Whoa. Let me back up a little. Teary. That's where this was going.

When your kids are little and you're knee-deep eyeball-deep in diapers, snot, and chicken dino bites, it seems like those days will never end. (I mean, we know they WILL, there just isn't much light at the end of that tunnel. Maybe the flickery end of a firefly, but certainly not the sunrise bursting through. Because time.) I'm telling you right now, don't let this middle time go. These middle years when they can wipe their own butts (thank God), handle their own social schedules (rest in peace playdates, I won't miss you), AND have a deep, meaningful conversation about literature with you? These are the priceless years.

Remember when I was telling you about our remaining summer schedule? Let's dive into things a little....

My #1 is a music guy. He has been playing the piano and saxophone for 4 years, joined the marching band last year, and put together a jazz band that is now playing around town. He decided a couple of years ago that he wanted to do something music related for a career. When we were registering him for high school and getting him into the honors classes that he needs, we started looking at colleges and universities so he would understand how classes that he takes now will help him get into the schools that he wants to go to. In that process we decided to look at Berklee College of Music's website as a comparison to an in-state school, compared to an out-of-state university. (That whole ball of wax is a different post. Different day.) While clicking around we found that Berklee offers summer camps, some of which are offered here in LA. His sweet little brain started to churn and by last spring I found myself clicking "Pay Now" for a week-long song writing camp. (One of the things he likes to do in his free time is compose. Yes, I said compose. Music. I know.) That was the week that I had to drive back and forth to Santa Monica each day, twice a day. (Yet another post. Y'all don't even know.) At the end of the week, after working with instructors, playing Open Mic night, and writing and performing a new jazz tune, they asked him to return for the second week of the program, focusing on Performance. And? Offered him a partial scholarship. Long story short, (Yeah, right. Who am I kidding?) #1 is turning into an amazing musician. He has great musicality, even more drive, and we realized that week that we're not just being proud parents (which we totally ARE,) but that he really IS talented and has enough talent and drive to make this music thing happen. People in 'the business' told us so. We don't yet know where it will lead but I've got the best seat in the house for watching it happen. The best part of it all though? I get to see great concerts, mostly for free. Be jealous.

#2. Oh, my #2. Tank, Bruiser, Giant. He's the football kid, remember? Back when he was just a wee one, maybe 5 or 6 years old, he pointed at the tv and said "That's what I want to do when I grow up." He was pointing at a Saturday afternoon SEC football game. I was able to put off tackle football until he was 7 and there has been no turning back since. 4 different youth leagues, dozens of coaches, 7 seasons, a private coach, 2 summer camps, and countless loads of "OMG THAT IS THE WORST SMELL EVER" laundry, we are in a critical season. Believe it or not, the 8th grade year is when a football player begins his journey to college recruitment. (Yes the NCAA has bunches of regulations but if you really, really want to play this is the best year to get started on your 'resume' of game films, among other things.) For years, my husband and I were your typical sports parents-He tried to push him, I just wanted him to play for the love of the game, ("There's plenty of time to get serious! He's only 8!") We, thankfully, landed somewhere in the middle: just enough push for reality, just enough relaxation for it to be fun. This year? He's KILLING IT on the field. He is being coached by a man (and his staff,) that believe in this: #1 in life is Faith, #2 Family, #3 School, #4 Football. Also on the staff is a coach from a well-respected local high school varsity team. Connections, and all. His dream is to go to a large, prestigious, PAC 12 school, and he's got the grades to do it. I'm really looking forward to this season as my big boy grows into his man-sized body and plays out his passion on the field. The smiles when he comes off the field at the end of the night are worth every stinky sock, every stinky year. Now don't get me wrong, I have realistic expectations and a D1 school plus a scholarship are lofty goals but even if he ends up at a D2 or D3 but still gets to play the game he loves? It will be ok with me.

These kids. They are driven. More importantly though, they are incredible human beings. #1 is loyal and has a strong sense of commitment. #2 is quietly strong and when he finally has an opinion on a subject, it is well thought-out and mature. They both have a faith that is strong and a self-identity that is pretty solid.They are both sweet and loving and compassionate.

So, I'd say that we are pretty proud parents, and things are going pretty well so far this school year!

The Unintended Benefits of Being 46

Last summer I turned 46 and some of the most amazing things have begun to happen. It's like the lessons that I've always nodded my head at are finally being internalized. I didn't set out to 'make' anything happen but it has. All on it's own.

And it's pretty cool.

Benefit #1:

I no longer care about the few pounds that have settled around my middle. Honestly. If I lose them, fine. If I don't, fine. I'm not 'really big', and I'm not/never have been 'tiny'. Wherever I hover in the middle is fine. Is my family happy and healthy? Are they fed? That's what's important. I also quit smoking in the last few months and if gaining a few means I've quit then I suppose it's good. I no longer care what you, or society, think about my weight.

Benefit #2:

I haven't stressed out about the holidays or other 'events' that our culture says that we have to out-do each other for. We traveled for the holidays again this year (3 years in a row!) and I didn't even start shopping until days after we arrived at our destination. I had a general idea of what I was going to be getting for everyone, and nothing was one of those types of things that was going to be gone in October. Not every gift, for birthdays or Christmas, has to be the MOSTFABULOUSOMGITSTHEBESTPRESENTEVER! Really, it doesn't. Something that the recipient wants or would love is fine. Even if it costs $5. Headless Dad and I set out to give "gift-card-less" gifts this year for most of our list. Guess what? We did it, and to our knowledge, most of the gifts we found were perfect. (Yes, we gave gift receipts.) It was way more fun to go out hunting for something that we knew each person would like rather than throw gift cards at them. You should try it. A no-stress holiday (or birthday,) is the way to go.

Benefit #3:

I've given up on chasing friendships that are not reciprocal. If we have a give and take relationship, great. We'll see each other when we can, not get bent out of shape when we can't, and pick up where we left off. However, if you can't make or find time for me, ever, then I'm done trying. --->> Funny thing about this one? Those 'friends' don't even notice. So, why exactly was I trying so hard in the first place?

Benefit #4:

By my being in 'middle age', my kids are closer to adulthood than diapers. Having teenagers is pretty cool. I really love spending time talking to these guys. Granted, they don't always like talking to me, and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get them to talk, but I really like who they are becoming. I know that they have a long way to go, but watching them grow and develop their passions is fun. We are getting better at spending time doing things together rather than everyone hiding out in a different corner of the house with our own screens and you know what? We actually like it. Ssshhhhh! Don't let the secret out!

I'm so glad that I've been listening to life lately. Life is pretty smart and I'm getting better at listening and putting the lessons to good use. Have you?

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

*sigh*

Once again the holidays are upon us. Hopefully your turkey is in the brine, the pies are made, and you have your to-the-minute oven schedule written and posted. (Just me? Kidding. I'm not even hosting this year.)

I read Melisa's post earlier and I wish I had her attitude about the holidays. Well, I'm better than I was, but not as relaxed as I feel like I should be. I feel so much pressure for everything to be 'perfect'. You know? It never is. When the kids were younger I wanted holidays here at my house so that I wouldn't have to travel with the babies but it made me a complete stress-ball. In what universe is cleaning the entire house, having house guests, and cooking most of a huge meal with toddlers under foot easier than showing up somewhere with a dish or two? Someone needed to slap me upside the head.

Note to young parents: Go if/where you are invited. Yes it's a hassle to pack all the baby crap but you won't have the stress of making sure that Aunt Betty has her favorite wine and the toilet is clean after the last potty training session. Learn from my mistakes, people.

We were on the way to the orthodontist this morning and listening to a talk radio station and the host was having people call in to share their best 'excuses' for getting out of the annual family argument. We were howling! The host suggested to walk in complaining of a toothache so that when the argument starts you can complain about the tooth and leave. A caller suggested bringing the Monsignor (or another respected member of the clergy or community,) so that everyone would be on their best behavior. Yet another even suggested just the opposite: bring a date that is tattooed, possibly drunk, or whatever might be offensive to your family so that in following years whoever you bring will look fantastic in comparison. We typically have Thanksgiving with my husband's family and to my knowledge have never had a family argument around the table. Can I get an "Amen!"?

I pray that your travels have been safe, that your family arguments are only discussions, your apple pie is as delicious as mine, and your wine glass is never empty!

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

Wedding Album

I absolutely love my wedding album. I still love my wedding dress. I think that the bridesmaid dresses/jackets are still simple and pretty and timeless. I love the joy on my husband's face and the tears in a few eyes. We celebrated 17 years of marriage yesterday during Championship Saturday. (So romantic, no?) Since I love my album so much, I thought I'd share a few shots with you. I guess it's a day to ignore the headless part of the blog? ;-)

With my daughter.

With my parents.

She's a little angel!

The guys at the bar. Of course!

The obligatory church kiss shot.

My mom with HD.

During the ceremony we gave HG her own wedding ring to promise that we would be a family always.

The party was pretty fun. Especially for a certain girl who got all of the attention. Flying is fun!

I love these shots. Our portraits were great too but these give you a feel of how fun our day was. A beautiful Saturday in Colorado, 17 years ago. 

Love you, Honey!

Photo disclaimer: The Photography studio that did our pictures has since gone out of business. When they did, we became the full owners of these images. Please don't steal them. 

~headless mom

Just the Mom

There are times in a mother's life that are wonderful. Your kids are obedient and helpful, your husband is appreciative and attentive. This has not been one of those stretches.

My boys are busy. Football and Marching Band have pretty brutal schedules. We have been going strong since the end of July. They are both honors students and have difficult classes. I have given a lot of grace on chores and responsibilities around the house. I'm just not sure that anyone around here is appreciating the load that I have taken on. I'm not sure that grace has been the right path. Maybe a harder line would have been better? HD isn't any better right now. He's busy with work and hasn't been able to help reinforce our rules or take care of many of his normal chores around the house.

I have my own regular work load of laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, taxi driver, calendar keeper, CFO. It may sound trivial. but taking on the few things that I have this fall is about to break me. I know I sound dramatic but I'm tired. Add in fluctuating hormones (them and me!,) and the upcoming holidays and you have a pretty volatile cocktail.

I'm trying to do my best. Getting things done. Staying busy. Keeping my mouth shut. I know that this is just a season. Both of the boys are adjusting to new schools and new schedules. My husband's job goes in cycles of busyness and will be back to a regular work load again soon. I know these things are temporary.

Sometimes I just get tired of being the mom.

How I Screwed Up Dinner on Monday Night

We haven't had much in the way of weekends around here lately. Football, Marching Band, hunting trips, and simply trying to catch up from busy weeks have wreaked havoc on rest and relaxation. By Monday I'm still burned out but with the entire family being gone most of the day I usually get caught up. Heh. Until yesterday.

I got some things done around the house, (4 loads of laundry among other things,) and by 4:15 I was ready to run a couple of errands before picking up HB#1 after a saxophone lesson. I had mentally done my checklist for what we needed at the grocery store and checked my recipe, written a list, and headed out.

I did well. First stop done in 4 minutes. Music store to get HB and pay for his lessons-Check. Grocery store #1. Check. Store #2. Check. Home.

(Some other things happened here that are not relevant. Well, could have been but I ruined dinner, remember?)

Took #1 to his piano lesson and came home to make dinner. (Sidenote: I was making this Southwest Chicken Salad. Try it. Everyone in my family loves it!) I started taking out everything that I thought I had on hand. Uh, no. Everything that I thought that I had was rotten (vegetables,) or frozen (sour cream.) And both of those grocery store trips? for nothing without the ingredients I had on hand and had just bought 2 hours before. That meant that someone had to go get the 4 or 5 things that I needed.

*sigh*

So I sent HD to pick up the boy and grab the stuff that I needed at the store. Of course! He left the list at home. After a phone call from the store they made it home and I was able to finish making dinner.

As we were sitting down to dinner (waaaaay late, I might add,) I asked HD to grab the tortilla chips out of the cupboard.

Uh, Where are they?

Oops. Missing those too. After 3 grocery store trips we STILL didn't have everything we needed for dinner. #epicdinnerfail

At least it was delicious even without the chips!

A Day in the Life

Last Friday was a banner day around here, and I'm not sure I would have believed it if I hadn't lived it myself. This is normal around here, actually.

6:25- Alarm goes off. (This is our late day. M-Th is a 5:15 wake up. I'll spare you one of those.)
6:26- Start the coffee, feed the dog.
6:30- Get HB#2 up and moving.
6:35- Drink coffee. Duh. And check Facebook.
7:00- Make sure HB#2 is on his way for breakfast. He didn't want me to cook today. Yay!
7:15- Get HB#1 up and in the shower.
7:30- HB#1 actually gets in the shower.
7:45- Drive HB#2 and his friend to school
8:00- Return home. Have 2nd cup of coffee and play games on iPad.
8:05- Get HB#1 out of the shower.
8:06- Return to game.
8:15- Make tomato and cheese omelet for HB#1 because he had his wisdom teeth out last week and can't eat anything else.
8:40- Get puppy in crate.
8:45- Take HB#1 to school.
9:00- Meet a friend at Starbucks. Order a breakfast sandwich and ice water.
10:10- Leave coffee date reluctantly.
10:15- Return home to let the dog out. Have to put her on a leash since the gardeners are here and they leave the gates open.
10:30- Take the dog next door since said gardeners are here and I have to leave.
11:00- Pick up HB#1 at the high school to go to a follow up appointment for his wisdom teeth.
11:10- Race across town. Half way there realize I could have taken the freeway.
11:30- Make it to the dentist e.x.a.c.t.l.y. on time.
12:00- Leave dentist's office.
12:02- Hand HB#1 more money so he can go into Juice it Up for a smoothie with protein for his lunch.
12:07- Say a prayer that I can make it up the street to the gas station.
12:15- Fill up with gas so we can make it back to the high school. (It's only been 2 days since my last fill up. This pisses me off. At least gas prices have gone down a little.)
12:30- Arrive back at the school to sign him back in.
12:40- Get home and go get the dog and her brother. It's really hot and after 2 hours in the yard they are ready to be in. Plus they drank all of their water.
12:45- Collapse on the couch.
12:46- 2:20- (I'm not exactly sure what I did. Fed the dog. Oh! I visited with my neighbor when she came to get her dog.)
2:21- Talk about afternoon plans with HB#2 when he gets home from school. Give him a few minutes to breathe before we have to leave.
2:30- Take HB#2 to get new shoes. (For the love of all that is holy, could this kid's feet stop growing?? He's in a 10 1/2 at 12 years old, and needs new shoes every 3-4 months.)
2:40- Arrive at shoe store.
2:50- Convince him to try on a pair.
2:55- Success! Pay and we're outta there. Run into Toys R Us to see if they still have baby pools. For the dog. No luck.
3:00- Go across the street to get the kid frozen yogurt.
3:10- Text our hair stylist to see if she wants some.
3:17- Get her yogurt.
3:25- Leave for 3:45 hair appointment. Get on freeway.
3:27- Freeway comes to a dead stop.
3:35- Have kid text hair stylist that we're stuck in traffic.
3:45- Make it to the salon e.x.a.c.t.l.y. on time for HB's haircut.
4:15- Leave salon.
4:30- Arrive at the park across from the high school to pick up HB#1
4:45- Arrive home and collapse on couch.
4:47- Remind kids to get their things ready for their night time activities.
4:48- Text neighbor who is giving HB#1 his haircut that we are home.
5:00- Neighbor comes to cut his hair. Chat.
5:30- Leave to take HB#2 to football practice.
5:50- Drop him at his practice, head home.
6:05- Arrive at home. See if HB#1 is ready to go.
6:15- Leave for the church.
6:35- Drop him at church for an all night activity. Leave for home.
7:00- Arrive at home. The traffic was horrible on the way home so it took much longer!
7:01- Call HD to see if he can for sure pick up the football kid. (Otherwise I would have to leave in about 20 minutes.) I'm in the clear.
7:15- Open and Angry Orchard cider. Check Facebook.
7:20- HD and HB#2 arrive home. Want to know what is for dinner.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I know someone out there can relate. Right?

Anyone??

Thankful and Blessed

On Monday as I was racing around the grocery store I got a text message. I was half tempted not to  read it since it seemed that I had hit the store at just the right moment when it wasn't a madhouse. I glanced down and saw that it was from my mother, so I slid the message open.

Hey, good news! No sign of cancer. Bad news, gallstones. Oh well. Nothing to do about that til there's a problem.

I dropped my phone and sobbed into my hands. No sign of cancer. Months of prayer, months of worry. No sign of cancer.

*****

I am so thankful for my dad beating this. For him staying strong and not giving up.
I am thankful for my mother, who is way more badass than she gives herself credit for. She has gotten through these last 11 months, rarely asking for help, and supporting my dad all the way. And with a grace that I'm not sure that she thinks she had.
I am thankful for my aunt, who in moving to Colorado, has brought new life into the home that they all share. Some of that life is four-foooted and furry, and it is good.
I am thankful for my daughter and her new husband being there and the new relationships that are forming, away from the relationships in the shadow of us, the parents. I am thankful for their faithfulness to God and how he is blessing them, abundantly, as they start their new life together.
I am thankful for my brother and his family who have been so supportive of our parents. And my nieces that bring  smiles to faces when they enter a room.

*****

I am thankful for my amazing husband. He works so hard for us and is so generous. I'm thankful that he loves me beyond measure, faults and all.
I am thankful for my #1 son. He is 14 today. He challenges me every day and I am a better human for those trials. He is musical and artistic and gentle and kind.
I am thankful for my #2 son. He makes me laugh and despite his stature is also gentle and kind.

*****

I am thankful for my husband's family. They have given me so much and stretched me to grow in places that I didn't know I needed growth. I'm thankful for the babies that we get to smooch on when we're together. Thankful for being able to guide nieces in some small way, sister-in-laws that welcome me in, and a brother-in-law that can be counted on.

*****

I am thankful for friends. Friends who, despite our busy schedules, can pick up right where we left off. Friends that open their homes to us. Friends that let me vent, knowing that I'm being irrational, and let me get it out anyway. Friends who I can let my guard down with. Friends who don't judge me for my foul mouth. Friends that know when a glass of wine isn't just a nice way to end the day, it's a necessity. Friends who trust me with the hard stuff. Friends who, despite the miles between us, answer text messages and will spill it to me by text so we remain relevant to each other. Friends who make coffee dates a priority, weekly. Friends that live in my computer yet still support me and my family every day.

And for you. You, the friends that come here, to read about my crazy yet average life. I am thankful for you too. Even the ones that don't often comment. Thank you for letting me tell my story to you.

*****

And last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for a God that sent his Son that we might have abundant life, beyond measure. Because without Jesus, none of this would be possible.

I wish for all of you to have such a full and happy and rich life. xoxo