Random Acts of Kindness

We all need kindness in our lives. We all have, at minimum, a smile to give. But what little things have we received that made us smile? What things do we give that make an impact, small or large?

We all need new ideas in our repertoire. I'm going to share a few of the things that I try to do on a regular basis but this post is about YOU. Please share, in the comments, the little things that you do for others that cost you little to nothing and make the day or world a little brighter for someone else. If we share our ideas, then put them all into practice, maybe, just MAYBE we'll all be happier tomorrow, and the next day, and so on, and so on.

My (not exhaustive) list of smile-inducing things:

• Buying coffee for a friend
• Making my kids blueberry muffins on a random school morning
• Making dinner for a friend/family when they are "in the weeds"
• Giving the homeless guy or gal not just A dollar, but enough for a full meal, or that hotel room that they need for the night so they can sleep well and get a shower, etc.
• Doing a chore for my husband to lighten his load
• Buying a candy bar from the kid selling them outside of the store for their soccer league 
• Holding the door for someone
• Letting someone go in front of you at the grocery-whether they look like they're in a hurry or just have a single item
• Write a hand written note to someone and send it by USPS
• Sharing flowers from my garden with a teacher/friend/elderly neighbor, etc.
• Welcoming my children's friends into our home unconditionally.
• Saying hello and smiling at someone who you do not know

What would you add? Share your ideas in the comments, then share this post on social media so we can all come back to it and get fresh ideas to brighten the days of those around us! (Full disclosure-I never ask for people to share my posts, but this one is important. We all really, really need to smile.)

The Unintended Benefits of Being 46

Last summer I turned 46 and some of the most amazing things have begun to happen. It's like the lessons that I've always nodded my head at are finally being internalized. I didn't set out to 'make' anything happen but it has. All on it's own.

And it's pretty cool.

Benefit #1:

I no longer care about the few pounds that have settled around my middle. Honestly. If I lose them, fine. If I don't, fine. I'm not 'really big', and I'm not/never have been 'tiny'. Wherever I hover in the middle is fine. Is my family happy and healthy? Are they fed? That's what's important. I also quit smoking in the last few months and if gaining a few means I've quit then I suppose it's good. I no longer care what you, or society, think about my weight.

Benefit #2:

I haven't stressed out about the holidays or other 'events' that our culture says that we have to out-do each other for. We traveled for the holidays again this year (3 years in a row!) and I didn't even start shopping until days after we arrived at our destination. I had a general idea of what I was going to be getting for everyone, and nothing was one of those types of things that was going to be gone in October. Not every gift, for birthdays or Christmas, has to be the MOSTFABULOUSOMGITSTHEBESTPRESENTEVER! Really, it doesn't. Something that the recipient wants or would love is fine. Even if it costs $5. Headless Dad and I set out to give "gift-card-less" gifts this year for most of our list. Guess what? We did it, and to our knowledge, most of the gifts we found were perfect. (Yes, we gave gift receipts.) It was way more fun to go out hunting for something that we knew each person would like rather than throw gift cards at them. You should try it. A no-stress holiday (or birthday,) is the way to go.

Benefit #3:

I've given up on chasing friendships that are not reciprocal. If we have a give and take relationship, great. We'll see each other when we can, not get bent out of shape when we can't, and pick up where we left off. However, if you can't make or find time for me, ever, then I'm done trying. --->> Funny thing about this one? Those 'friends' don't even notice. So, why exactly was I trying so hard in the first place?

Benefit #4:

By my being in 'middle age', my kids are closer to adulthood than diapers. Having teenagers is pretty cool. I really love spending time talking to these guys. Granted, they don't always like talking to me, and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get them to talk, but I really like who they are becoming. I know that they have a long way to go, but watching them grow and develop their passions is fun. We are getting better at spending time doing things together rather than everyone hiding out in a different corner of the house with our own screens and you know what? We actually like it. Ssshhhhh! Don't let the secret out!

I'm so glad that I've been listening to life lately. Life is pretty smart and I'm getting better at listening and putting the lessons to good use. Have you?

16-The Marriage Edition

Today HD and I celebrate 16 years of marriage. That's a long time, y'all. Here are 16 things that I've learned about marriage since that day in 1997:

1. Your husband (or wife,) is not a mind reader. You must tell them what is on your mind.
2. Choose your words carefully. A hasty tongue causes hurt feelings and much back-tracking.
3. Sometimes women just need someone to listen. Sometimes men need a sounding board to fix it. Sometimes a hug is the only answer.
4. Let your husband parent in his way. You parent in your way. Your children need both.
5. Find out what your spouse's Love Language is. Remember to act on it daily, if you can.
6. Learn to say "I'm sorry."
7. Talk about each other's day, what's going on, how they feel about it. Don't just bark a laundry list of To-Do items and the kid's activities.
8. Make the time to go out once in a while. While we don't always get out weekly, sometimes we take a night or weekend completely away. Do what works for you, your schedule, and your budget, but do it. Time away from your home changes how you act and react to one another.
9. Respect your husband's family (or your wife's,) but remember that you are married to your partner, not their family. Have calm, respectful discussions about topics that involve extended family, and come to JOINT conclusions.
10. Sometimes having some sexy time, even if you don't feel like it, is just what the dr. ordered. And you probably need it, too. 
11. Find some couple friends that you both enjoy. 
12. Spend time doing the things that YOU love, without your honey. You'll have more to bring to the table when you are together.
13. Do not make large purchases alone. Consult one another in all major financial matters.
14. Do not expect that just because you're married that your life will magically be happy all of the time. Happiness, and marriage, take hard work.
15. Always assume that your partner has your best interests at heart. Always keep your partner's best interests at heart. They should be the #1 person on this planet that you are concerned with.
16. Keep God in the center of your marriage. God invented marriage for a reason and blesses those that remember that.

Have a great weekend.... We're going out tonight for a well deserved anniversary date!
Edited to add : I may not do all of these things well all of the time, but I have learned that they are important. You know, just to clarify. ;-)

Mother of the Bride- A Primer

Of all the things that being a mother brings, I think I was least prepared for being the Mother of the Bride. Maybe I thought that day was further off, or I would have more time to get used to the title, but it was definitely a weird hat to be wearing. With barely 6 months from engagement to wedding day, we had little time to process anything, much less a silly title. But, oh, how that silly title messed with me.

I learned a few things over the last 6 months and since I only have one daughter I'll share my knowledge with you. I'm guessing being Mother of the Groom is much, much different.

Share your memories from your own wedding and move on:
Yes, your wedding was beautiful but your daughter wants her own day. Shortly after HG and (Hmmm. He doesn't have a blog name yet. Bear with me.) that guy got engaged we pulled out my wedding album and my wedding planner. I shared details with them, showed them pictures, and poured over 16 year old to-do lists. It was fun to reminisce and they seemed to like the stories. I gave them a few ideas about things but that was that. I told them that if they needed any of the things that we found that they were welcome to them but I let them ask. And they asked again about a few things, but mostly they just indulged me. And that was ok.

Etiquette:
This one is tough. Many etiquette rules have gone the way of the typewriter but I'm really (I mean really,) old-fashioned in this area. Luckily HG was fine with most of the 'rules' but there were a few things that we didn't really see eye to eye on. There were things that I let go but there was one in particular that I wasn't budging on. It was my hot-button issue. Admittedly, I may not have handled it very well, but in my eyes it would have been a huge breach of etiquette. Do you have a hot-button issue regarding wedding etiquette? It's fine if you do, and it's fine if you want to make your position known, but chose only one that you won't budge on.) Family peace is way better than following every rule to a T. (I have way more to say about etiquette in another post.)

Pinterest:
Wedding planning is not like we remember it. We had thought about our weddings our whole lives and once we were engaged, we bought a few magazines, looked at a few brochures, and came up with something close to the picture in our minds. Nowadays, Pinterest and Google give a bride WAY TOO MANY CHOICES. And most brides have already seen what they want and pinned it, so anything that isn't an exact match won't do. (Lest you think that HG was a Bridezilla, she most certainly was NOT. She just had pictures to back up her vision. And second choices. and third choices. You see where this is going.) This method is fantastic if you have an unlimited budget to pay a wedding planner to do it all. This method needs some work when the bride and the mother of the bride aren't clever OR crafty, nor have an unlimited budget. As the mother this part was maddening. Pinterest and Google in the hands of a bride-to-be can be deadly. I watched HG get really flustered with the choices out there, and because she waited so long to make some of the decisions I got really flustered waiting.

Blended families:
This was pretty easy for us. It was a day for HG and Mr. HG to begin their life together, not a day for any old crap to come up. Her mom and I took her dress shopping together. She flew in for the shower. She stayed at my home. Let me reiterate. This was HG's day. Nothing should get in the way of that. Do you still have issues with your ex? (Or your ex's spouse? Or kids? Or, or or.....) Get over it. That has zero to do with throwing your daughter the wedding and reception that she wants and deserves. Put your issues away until after the wedding. You may find that you don't need to pull them back out after all. We personally had no issues with this but I think it's because her mom and I were kind to one another and tried to make sure that the other was comfortable with decisions that would effect the other. It's that simple, really.

The two Mothers of the Bride.

One last thing:
There will most likely be some (many? lots? a few?) things about your daughter's big day that you really don't like. Yes, you can GENTLY state your opinion but remember IT'S NOT YOUR DAY. IT'S HERS. So let her have it. Does it really matter whether the bridesmaid dresses are pumpkin or persimmon? They chose chocolate cake and you're allergic? Whatever. This is the first big thing that this couple will do together and they need to navigate the waters a bit on their own. I tried really hard to do this with HG and #3, and I hope you can do it with your daughter.

Now if we can just come up with a term that doesn't sound quite as old as Mother of the Bride.

There is no instruction manual for this.

(I started this a few weeks back. Don't let it deter you from reading. It's going somewhere.)

I just got back from spending two weeks with my parents in Colorado. It was such a great trip! The weather was gorgeous, we had fun, the kids were (mostly) well-behaved. Headless Dad couldn't make the trip this year due to his shoulder and work obligations, which was a complete bummer. I got to see old friends-some that I hadn't seen in over 15 years! We worried over friends that were evacuated in the Black Forest fire and had wine on the deck. We cleaned out closets and made many trips to the charity donation places, and the trash bin! I cooked for them. It was so, so good to be there with my parents and to be able to help out.

Most of you probably don't know that my dad has been battling cancer this year. Cancer sucks, if you haven't heard. Cancer has an opposite and equal suckage partner. It's when you live far, far away from the loved one who is sick. There isn't a name for it, but it goes something like this: I don't get to be around for the day to day. I don't get to drive him to treatment when my mom has had.enough.already. I don't get to stop by with dinner so they don't have to think about it. I don't get to spend a morning sipping coffee with him on the deck watching his friends go by on the golf course. I don't get to help my mom go through her 'stuff' when she gets on a cleaning-out roll and wants to clean out another box/shelf/room, then take it all to the donation center. I don't get to bring him AllTheFood to keep him from losing more weight. (I'm the daughter. I can get away with being all pushy like that. Love you Daddy! ;-)

No, I just have the telephone and it is no substitute for being there. Mr. Bell had it wrong.

For all of the technology that we have there is no substitute for being with your family when a Big Thing is going on. There is no instruction manual for this.

So for all you young folks out there that think that getting far, far away from the crazy that you call family is the only way to go? Take my advice. Unless there is serious abuse, (and if there is then run far, far away,) you will someday come to regret that you live more than a 5 hour drive from your family of origin. You will sob when you can't be there to take your dad to chemo, or to support your mom while she is supporting your dad. Talking on the phone will be a sore substitute for being there. Go ahead, sow your wild oats while you're young but when it comes time to settle down? Try to settle close to home. You won't be sorry.

Seeking Advice: Lunch

It's lunch time around these parts and yet again I'm stumped.

You see, I hate sandwiches with a burning passion. I'm ok with leftovers but we don't always have them. I hate to spend money on Hot Pockets and the like because they are ridiculously expensive and I'm cheap.

Help me out, gang. What do you eat for lunch? I'm open to suggestions!
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Thoughts on Marriage and Tips to Make Yours Work

The rash of bloggers announcing that they are getting divorced has set my wheels turning. Not like Mir was talking about a couple of days ago. Her points are spot on, but what I'm talking about is different.

When I was a child, my parents were separated for a couple of years. While the wheres and whys and hows aren't my story to tell, living through that taught me an important lesson about marriage.

"No one can know what is in a marriage but the two people that are in it." (Quote by my mom, about 30 years ago.)

My parents put their marriage back together, and will be celebrating their 50 year wedding anniversary in a couple of years. (Actually a year and a half to be exact. After 50 years, who's counting, right? Well, we are, to tell you the truth.)

50 years. That's not counting the 7 1/2 that they dated.

But look at that sentence up there.

I can complain about the socks that don't quite meet the hamper or the sleeping that HD does on the couch every evening because every wife complains about that stuff, right? But it's the things that you don't see and hear that keep my marriage together.

My parents visit a lot and sometimes, through laughter, my mother will say "I don't know how you can stay married to him." Which is to say: "I don't know what is in your marriage, but that's ok because it's yours." Understand: my mother loves my husband and he loves her. But my relationship with my husband is MINE. The quirks that I deal with might be your deal-breaker, and the things that you laugh about just might make me punch your husband in the throat. If I lived with him, that is.

I'm the one that he tells his deepest thoughts to. He's the only one that can comfort me when I'm feeling sad. I'm the one that he wants to celebrate his successes with and he's the one I want by my side each night as I fall asleep.

That's what a marriage is about. Those are the things that make it work regardless of what it looks like on the outside. What we overlook in our partners is what makes our intimacy.

If you don't like ironing your husband's shirts, fine. I do. I do it because it's one small thing to help him in his day, making his load lighter. My husband typically cooks on the weekends, partially because he enjoys cooking, but also because he knows it gives me a welcome break from the kitchen. It's what makes US work.

What makes your marriage work? Does he support you in your career? Does he bathe the babies each night and tuck them in bed so you get an hour of alone time? Do you share a passion for stamp collecting? My advice is: take those things and embrace them. Use those things to re-kindle your relationship at every turn. Use them to connect and then find other ways to make your relationship flourish, building on those connections.

For instance, do you love going out to dinner; just the two of you? Great, then plan a weekend away and 'tour' the local restaurants. Any location will do; it doesn't have to be a fancy big city or break the bank. Or go to your near by "A Taste Of" festival to sample the best of your local restaurants. Use this formula for anything that you both enjoy. OR, if it's something that your partner loves and you're not quite sold, maybe do it anyway. With fresh eyes, you just might find part of it that you love.

What about the little things? When I said that I iron my husband's shirts I wasn't kidding. Several years ago our marriage was struggling. Not awful, but our boys were very young, our girl was a busy tweenager, and we almost never connected in any way. So I started looking for books on the subject. One book suggested finding little things that would help your husband in his day. Light bulb moment: if I kept on top of his ironing, he would have shirts every morning, then he wouldn't have to huff and puff around the bedroom during my last hour of sleep. Win-Win. He gets out of the house with no frustration, I get a little more sleep. I know it's not a big thing, but it really helps my husband when he doesn't have to search for the shirt that he wants to wear. He starts his day happy, or at least not grumpy! What does that mean for your marriage? I don't know, but could you make his lunch? get the coffee ready to brew? pick up his dry cleaning? What ever 'it' is, it should be something that is just for him, that will show him that you're thinking of just him and trying to help him out, that will mean something in his day. Do it without being asked to, without saying anything about it and asking nothing in return.

Do these things only apply to wives? Absolutely not. Men, you should be doing things for your wife that she will appreciate. Flowers? Washing her car? Scrubbing a toilet? Taking the kids to soccer practice?  Cooking dinner? Doing the grocery shopping? Pouring her a glass of wine at the end of a particularly trying day? There is something that will make her heart sing. Figure it out and do it.

Is every marriage worth saving? No, there are horrible situations out there that involve abuse, drug use, and infidelity, and I can't say that getting out of those situations is wrong. But is dropping everything at the first sign of trouble the answer either? I don't necessarily think so.

When I was in college, I remember sitting around with my girlfriends talking about relationships. Inevitably, one girl would say something along the lines of "Oh, if he ever cheated on me, even just kissing someone else, he'd be gone in a heartbeat, no questions asked!" While I totally understand the sentiment I'm not sure I can get in line with those kinds of absolutes. We are all human and we all make mistakes. The saying "You don't know what you'd do unless you've walked in those shoes," comes to mind. I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but I can tell you at this exact moment, while it would be devastating, I highly doubt that my first call would be to a divorce lawyer.

I get so sad when I see marriages that are struggling or don't work. Not because I think I do it better. Not because I think that they haven't tried.  But because I know how good it can be. I wish that for every marriage.

This post has been submitted to Yeah Write #43.

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How Old Do They Have To Be?

For the last week (or 8. But who's counting?), the boys have been begging, pleading, and basically annoying the crap out of us to get the game Call of Duty for the Xbox.

 

They have the money to pay for it themselves. Yes, they have played it before at friends' houses.

I just don't know what to do here.

My policy is no. It's rating is too high/old/mature (whatever you would call it). I think that they should have to wait for games like that. For one, the subject matter is disturbing. For 2, the language is horrible. And 3, they should have something to look forward to as they get older. Not only that, but shooting someone to kill them, even in a video game, is SO NOT OK.

They argue that there are cheat codes to turn off the blood and language. They'll pay for it. They've played it before.

They are generally good boys. While I complain that they should 'do more' around the house, there are probably few boys as well behaved and polite as my two. They're loved by their teachers, get excellent grades, don't get in trouble, and have nice friends.

Not that he's ready to say yes, but Headless Dad said that if we do say yes that there will be major restrictions on how long they're able to play each day. In addition, if we notice any behavior changes in the boys the game would be the first thing to go. (Which I almost think would be worse: taking it away after they've had it? I'd end up being the bad guy, police man, and the parole officer all rolled into one.)

I also think that giving in right now is a slippery slope. Once they have this one, it will be harder to say no to other games, regardless of content.

We are trying to discuss this, be rational, be fair. Dammit, rational and fair are HARD.

Remember: my boys are 9 and 11. (Grade 3 and 5)

So tell me, internets? What would you do? Would you let your boys have this game? (Or games like it?) What is your 'house policy' on video games, especially ones with questionable content? When did you cave to 'older' games and did you regret your decision? If you had it to do over, would you choose differently?

I'd love to hear any and all opinions on this because I/we are really having trouble with this one!

Frustrated!

Earlier in the summer when Headless boy #2 started conditioning for football I, too, got back on the fitness bandwagon. They met twice a week to run and do other exercise-y stuff. Me? I just walked around the make-shift 'track'. All .38 miles of it. (Yes, I make multiple trips. Duh.)

But a start is a start, right?

After the kids started practice for-reals, I started stepping up my routine, too. They practiced for 2 hours each weekday and I extended my workouts. I added running, more stretching, push-ups, etc. We've been watching what we eat, and with our garden, adding more fresh veggies, you know, just bettering the diet in general. I usually go for a full hour, with some days my walks lasting for up to an hour and a half. Some days I even work out twice: walking for a while in the morning when I walk the kids to school, and then again in the evening during football. TWICE!

You see where this is going, right?

This morning I got on the scale. (After my coffee and workout but before breakfast, mind you.) Not one pound lost. It's been over 2 months, people. I'm not looking for 10 or more pounds, but a few might be nice, right? My jeans are way tighter than last winter when I wasn't working out, (because I was simply lazy and didn't have football practice to push me to just.do.it.already.since.I.have.to.be.there.anyway.) I'm horribly frustrated. Not to mention that I don't have the money to go buy all new jeans for winter.

So tell me. When you've hit a plateau, what do you do? I don't belong to a gym, so I can't change it up there. Help a sister out, would ya?

The Laundry Manifesto

Dear Headless Boy #1 and Headless Boy #2,

I believe that it is time, at 8 and 10 years of age, for you both to have all the rules. We've been talking about these things for a while now, but today is where the talking ends and the doing begins. There is nothing here that is new or should surprise you. I guess it's just time for it all to be out there, on the line, so to speak.

1- The Basket Rule
No more asking you to pick it all up and put it in. Nope. This is one that we've gone over since you were 2 and could undress yourself. 8 and 6 years (respectively) of reminding is enough, I'm afraid. A basket has been provided for you and is conveniently located in your closet. Use it. If it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed. Period.

2- Inside Out?
If your clothes hit the basket inside out, then that is how they will come out of the wash. If you couldn't take the time to do it before, you'll have to do it before they are worn.

3- Money
Any money left in the pockets of your clothing that comes out in the wash or dry cycle becomes the property of the person doing the laundry. Yes, usually that is me. It's the only time I get paid actual cash money around here and I refuse to forfeit that. If you want to keep your money then clean out your pockets when you disrobe, otherwise, I will consider it a tip for a job well done. Thankyouverymuch.

4-Stain Removal
If your garment has a stain on it, you need to either: A-put it on the washer so it gets noticed separately from the other clothes, or B-tell me about it and hand the garment to me. If these things don't happen you give up the right to wearing stain-free clothing. Replacement of said stained items is not an option.

5-Family Room
Contrary to popular belief, this room is for tv viewing and general family togetherness. It is NOT, however, your own personal laundry basket. From now on, if your clothes are there and not in the basket that has been provided for you (see Rule # 1,) you will give up the right to those clothes for a period of time deemed acceptable by me. (Or as long as I forget where I put them, whichever.)

Please Note: Your father does not have to adhere to these rules. I am his wife; I am your mother. It is my job to train you to do these things. He and I have a separate agreement, in which he makes the money and I do things like the laundry. Some day, you might be lucky enough to have a similar agreement with a lovely girl, but until then, it is my duty to prepare you to function in this capacity. Nor does your sister have to adhere to these rules. She now does all of her own laundry, remember?

If you choose to ignore some or all of these rules:
That means that you are choosing to do your own laundry. I haven't been teaching you that for nothing. Those skills might come in handy sooner than later. Your choice.

Lovingly,
Your Mother,

I Should Take My Own Advice

• walk the kids to school, and run for a portion of it
• drink less coffee, and pollute it less
• do those push ups and sit ups
• eat more fruits and veggies
• eat less bread
  
• drink less alcohol/wine
• quit relying on the snack bar for baseball dinners
• quit the soda (again!)
• don't eat late at night
• play outside with my kids
• eat breakfast at breakfast time
  

Uh, I guess I'll start next week, as this is set to auto post while I'm in Las Vegas with Headless Dad. The good news is that I'm going for bowling, so at least I'll get a little bit of exercise(?). I'm not taking the laptop so I'll see you all on Sunday.

In the meantime, what kind of things would you add to this list? What are the 'rules' that you break routinely when it comes to weight loss/maintenance? Your 'stumbling blocks,' if you will? Let me have it because I really need to ramp it up to lose these pesky 5 lbs. again. Yes, again!

Oh, and your other assignment for the weekend while I'm gone? Get all of your Southern California friends and neighbors to enter my Chick-fil-A giveaway!

Kindergarten Readiness or Academic Redshirt?

It seems to pop up a lot this time of year-it is time to register your 4 or 5 (or 6!) year old for Kindergarten and you are unsure if your child is ready. How do you know? In this environment of "No child left behind" and designer preschools there are no clear cut answers, and no answer is ok for every child or every family. Each state has it's own rules, cut off dates and requirements but one thing is clear. Not every child is ready to enter Kindergarten when the state says he/she is.

Last spring I addressed these issues and more in my Kindergarten series-6 blog posts about my observations of K-readiness, promotion to First grade, and every thing in between. (I will say here that I am not a teacher. This series is written from my perspective as a parent only, in a relatively economically stable neighborhood. Socio-economic, family, maturity, and a host of other factors can-and do- change the realities for children in our society, in our neighborhoods. Please read these with that in mind.)

Part One-Introduction
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six-Where I wrap it up and answer some questions.

I was also alerted to another article that you might find interesting written by Julie Blair, and published on burbmom.net. Thanks, Holly!

So, I know that it is a big assignment, but if you have a child going into Kindergarten (in my not so humble opinion-here anyway,) I urge you to read these posts, including the comments. There is a lot of information and things to consider before you walk your child up those steps for the first time.

Be sure to leave your two cents also. I have a lot of new readers and I'd love to hear about your experiences as well!

Schedule-The Beginnings

Thank you all so much for your tips on getting my schedule together. I've been working on it and things are coming together. Somewhat.

Here's some of what I have to look forward to; things that are already scheduled:

Sunday: Football (for the next few weeks,) Church.
Monday: School, Track
Tuesday: School, Bowling, Baseball, Batting cages.
Wednesday: School, Scouts (on alternate weeks), Baseball, Track
Thursday: School, Football
Friday: School, Football
Saturday: Baseball

This is just the school and sports portion of the schedule. I am going to have to schedule in things like laundry. And cooking. No joke. Then comes writing, etc. I think I'm going to have to cut down on the "social media" time. Fur realz.

I will be taking someone's suggestion of grocery shopping on Wednesdays. (I tried to find who suggested this. I'll keep looking...) We get the ads on Tuesday, with sale prices beginning on Wed. and so that should help the budget as well. I did it last week and so far, so good. I actually think my grocery bill was less than $50!

So, for now I will leave you with 2 really good posts that relate to planning:

Amy in Ohio had a great post on Losing Weight in Cincinnati about setting goals for weight loss. Her tips are easily transferable to other areas!

Michelle of Scribbit wrote recently on setting goals. She has great suggestions-many that I'm trying to implement.

Go forth and read!

Eternal Truth

Not only am I behind on most of my life, but I just found a magazine that I bought in December. It was buried on a chair under a few coats that I haven't worn all month. A Women's Health that promises a flat belly in 2 weeks.

I'm already working on that. Ahem.

Anyway, I found the coolest thing on the very last page and wanted to share it with you all. These are truly eternal truths. (Huh?) Don't we all try to teach our kids this stuff?

8 Eternal Truths We Can Learn From Tykes:

1. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Even when there isn't a prize in the box.
2. Your world can be half-real and half-imaginary. (Blogging anyone?)
3. If there's even the slightest doubt, hit the potty before you leave.
4. Homework blows. Bring work home with you and it'll ruin your night. And your marriage.
5. There's a reason they don't give credit cards to 8-year-olds. You're supposed to save up for a new toy.
6. The coolest adults are the ones who listen.
7. Adrenaline is the greatest drug.
8. Rain isn't something to curse but to enjoy. Hurry up before it clears.

Courtesy Women's Health, December 2008

Don't forget to enter the giveaway-you can enter once a day until Friday!

Schedule (Or If I Don't Have One Soon I May Loose My Mind!)

In attempting to wrangle the headlessness, I'm trying to come up with a workable schedule for myself. Putting out fires is just not working. (Hello, worst strategy in the world.)

In the very near future I will have 2 boys in 4 sports total. (Disclaimer: I have never allowed this to happen before, and don't necessarily agree with it, but that is a post for another day, and I was the one that let it happen.) This is in addition to all of the other stuff that we do on a weekly basis. I'm thinking that if I don't plan ahead I will drown in the first week.

I need your help. Please comment with your schedule, your best hints for time management, your blog posts on the subject, links to ideas that might help. Do you use a spreadsheet? The list method? Do you schedule everything? Or just the Must-Do stuff? Do you schedule things by the minute? Hour? Morning/afternoon/evening? Week?

How often do you meal plan/grocery shop? And on what day? What do you prepare ahead?

How much time do you allow/give yourself for blogging (reading and writing)/other social media? Do you schedule it or do you fit it in between other things? How do you stay away from it when it's not 'on the schedule'? (This has become a major issue for me. I admit it. I own it.)

How much do you require out of your family/spouse/kids? Do they have daily/weekly/monthly responsibilities? Do you ask for help or do they just do their thing?

I know that this is a lot of questions but if I'm going to make this work for the long haul (or at least until June!) I need to gather all of the information that I can.

In the coming weeks, in addition to implementing them here at home, I'll be sharing the best ideas and giving credit where credit is due. I've already found a couple of links that I'll be sharing when I begin.

Let me have it!

So, can I count on your help?

PS- Don't forget to enter my giveaway-you can enter once a day between now and Friday!

PPS-Head back to Shannons for more WFMW posts!

I Must Be Doing It Wrong

Answer me this: How old should a child be to follow these directions: Please go upstairs, put on your jammies, and brush your teeth.

Seriously. How old?

And how long should they have? 2 minutes? 5? 10?

Because apparently I'm doing it wrong.

As well as breathing and flash cards. Who knew there was a wrong way?

Who's Got Your Back?

All creatures,

Great and small,

The good Lord

Loves

Them all.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[a]?(Matthew 6: 25-27)

(All pictures are mine. From the top: 1)Red bird, Hawaii '08, 2) and 3) Headless Boys with tiny frogs, Hawaii '08, 4) Pelicans over San Clemente, Aug. '08, 5) Gecko, Hawaii '08)

Are You Doing Your Part For Breast Cancer?

Many of you have recently read my post about my grandmother, written after her death in January of this year. Your kind words are comforting. Thank you. I would like to invite you into more of her, and my, story. (To the best of my recollection, that is.)

My Granny was diagnosed with breast cancer at 93. My aunt was her primary caretaker and discovered that she was bleeding from the tumor, which was roughly the size of a tube of toothpaste. When asked why she hadn't told anyone of the lump before that, Granny replied that she was too old for chemo and radiation. She didn't want the medicine to make her 'sick.'

She was finally convinced that she should at least have surgery to remove the tumor. Upon her admittance to the hospital she was asked when the last time she was in the hospital. Granny looked up at my aunt and said, "How old are you?"

She had not been hospitalized since her youngest child was born, some 52 years before.

The surgery was successful. The doctors and nurses were astounded that at 93 she was healing much better than many women even half her age. As a family, we were lucky. Breast cancer did not claim my Granny. She took her 5 years of tamoxifin and was declared disease free at 98. (If you've read the above link, you know that she lived to be 101, and died peacefully in her sleep.)

Again, our family is lucky. We all know of a family that has been torn apart by this disease. Perhaps it is your own. Now, thanks to Dr. Susan Love, we can ALL be a part of the research to not only find a cure, but find the cause of this disease. If you saw NBC Nightly News the other night (Wednesday, maybe?) you were able to see her talk to Brian Williams about their quest for 1 MILLION WOMEN to join in to help researchers.

The Army of Women website says this:

Our revolutionary initiative has two key goals:

• To recruit one million healthy women of every age and ethnicity, including breast cancer survivors and women at high-risk for the disease, to partner with breast cancer researchers and directly participate in the research that will eradicate breast cancer once and for all.
• To challenge the scientific community to expand its current focus to include breast cancer prevention research conducted on healthy women.

Are you willing to join? Even with one diagnosis my 'family' risk is relatively low but I've already put my name in the hat. Maybe I can contribute, maybe I can't. But wouldn't you rather have made the effort?

Pass it around. Let's help Dr. Love reach her 1 million women in record time.

There's no time to loose.

30 Days of Less- A Lesson

This morning I had a dentist appointment, and since Boy2 has a birthday party to go to this afternoon, I decided to go to Target to get the present, since there was a Target right next door. (This satisfies one of my 'new' rules-driving less and running errands together.)

Oh the joy of Target shopping with no children! It is not often that I get to go there without the constant background noise of "Can we go look at the toys?" "How much allowance do you owe us?" "Come on, Mom! I just want to look!" I grabbed a cart (mistake #1) and started to browse. I wandered through the Dollar Spot to see if there was something that I couldn't live without. I found the cutest fall cloth napkins, (One of Mary's tips, actually. Cloth napkins are much more economical in the long run.) some with pumpkins, others with leaves or acorns. They were packaged in twos, and were $2.50. You think I'm going to say that I bought them, don't you? HA! I resisted, and went on, even when the napkins were screaming after me.

So, off to the sporting department I went. For the party, for twins, I might add, I grabbed a soccer ball and a football. Most boys I know go through those things like hotcakes so sports balls are a frequent gift around here. They are also economical! I had picked up the football that was on special for $9.99, and the soccer ball was $8.99, so 2 gifts for less than twenty dollars sounded about right.

Moving right along. Since I had time I was wandering the outside aisle-you know the one-it has all of the discounted and clearance merchandise conveniently located on each endcap? Again, I amazed myself by not picking up one thing. I finally had gotten all the way around the store to the health/beauty section where I did need to pick up a few things. I ran out of my face cream yesterday morning, so I grabbed that. Deodorant? Check. Toothpaste? Check. Mmmm? Oh! We're almost out of shampoo and conditioner-Check, Check. Ok! Off to the check out lanes!

(Ooooh-handbags! Let me look! Oh. Eew. Who thinks any of this seasons handbags are cute? Even on clearance they suck. But I digress...)

I put all of my purchases on the belt and then it hit me. I left my wallet in my bible study bag last night.

I frantically dug through my purse to find anything that would amount to money to Target. Nada. Well, except for my checkbook. But no ID.

I told the checker what had happened, and she said that we should try it because sometimes the register doesn't ask for ID. Ok.

Items scanned, total $100.26, check written, ID required. Dang.

Hour wasted, but not all was lost!

Remember all of that 'stuff' that had made it to my basket? Well, I went back to the Target a little closer to my home and realized that there was a bunch of stuff that I really didn't need the first time around. So with wallet in hand I got what I REALLY needed (presents, face cream, qtips and deodorant,) for a total of $37.74. More than $60 savings! It really pays to think about your purchases. Yes, eventually I will have to get some of the other things but I'm not OUT of those things AND I can probably dig around and find suitable substitutes right here in the house, at least for the time being.

Lesson learned.

30 Days of Less-part 2

Do you remember that I said that I was participating in Mary's 30 Days of nothing? I wrote about it here, but I thought that I would give you all an update and some of the ideas that I've been using.

• I finally filled up my car again on Tuesday-the first time since Sept. 2-for $58. 21 days on 1 tank of gas. Quite the savings over other months. How I did it: I was walking the kids to school until I cut my foot, we take HD's work truck to church and other family outings, and I was very aware of running errands all in one trip. Full disclosure though, neither of my kids are in sports right now so there is no back and forth to games and practice.
  
• This savings won't be seen until our new water bill comes, but when I'm around the house by myself doing chores, I don't wear clean clothes. When you only go through 1 or 2 pairs of shorts/jeans in a week that comes to roughly 1 LESS load of laundry a week. Don't get me wrong, I shower and dress when I need to go out, but on the days that I'm home and doing housework there is no need to put on clean clothes just to get them dirty.
• I have been cooking from the pantry and garden, looking to see what we have and making due with that. Some of the combinations have been a little odd but no one is going hungry, and that helped me save gas because I wasn't running to the store for that 'one thing' that we needed for dinner. I also found a yummy recipe (that I will post later) for making your own homemade refried beans. So easy and WAY cheaper than canned.
  
• I found out, entirely by accident, that buying Starbucks whole bean coffee is way more economical at an actual Starbucks store, rather than buying it at the grocery store. Normally we buy 2 lb. of whole bean Kirkland brand (roasted by Starbucks, by the way,) at Costco for about $9.99. When we run out and can't make a Costco run we usually just grab whatever at the grocery store. (This is where I insert that good coffee is not on the chopping block around here. It is the one thing that HD will NOT go without on a daily basis.) When I went to bible study last week, at a local Starbucks, I remembered that we needed coffee so I figured I'd grab a bag to get us through until this week. A full pound of whole bean there was $9.99 whereas at the grocery store you can get only 12 oz. for $10.99 or $11.99. Worth it for the savings if you don't scrimp on coffee and can't get to Costco. The real beauty of this is that I also had a gift card in my wallet that I only thought had a couple of bucks left on it but it actually had a lot more and I was able to get my drink, the coffee, and still have $9.00 left. Cool!

I have to say that I bow to the Queen on this one. Mary has successfully fed her family on $2oo this month. She has 10 kids, y'all. They do have a monster garden and have eaten a lot of fresh veggies, but she is now determined to cut $200 out of her monthly food budget by what she has learned this month. Go read through this month of posts and see just how she did it and give her a big pat on the back.

What I would like to know is what things have you cut out recently to save money, or what do you go without on a regular basis because you think it's just not worth it?