The Laundry Manifesto

Dear Headless Boy #1 and Headless Boy #2,

I believe that it is time, at 8 and 10 years of age, for you both to have all the rules. We've been talking about these things for a while now, but today is where the talking ends and the doing begins. There is nothing here that is new or should surprise you. I guess it's just time for it all to be out there, on the line, so to speak.

1- The Basket Rule
No more asking you to pick it all up and put it in. Nope. This is one that we've gone over since you were 2 and could undress yourself. 8 and 6 years (respectively) of reminding is enough, I'm afraid. A basket has been provided for you and is conveniently located in your closet. Use it. If it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed. Period.

2- Inside Out?
If your clothes hit the basket inside out, then that is how they will come out of the wash. If you couldn't take the time to do it before, you'll have to do it before they are worn.

3- Money
Any money left in the pockets of your clothing that comes out in the wash or dry cycle becomes the property of the person doing the laundry. Yes, usually that is me. It's the only time I get paid actual cash money around here and I refuse to forfeit that. If you want to keep your money then clean out your pockets when you disrobe, otherwise, I will consider it a tip for a job well done. Thankyouverymuch.

4-Stain Removal
If your garment has a stain on it, you need to either: A-put it on the washer so it gets noticed separately from the other clothes, or B-tell me about it and hand the garment to me. If these things don't happen you give up the right to wearing stain-free clothing. Replacement of said stained items is not an option.

5-Family Room
Contrary to popular belief, this room is for tv viewing and general family togetherness. It is NOT, however, your own personal laundry basket. From now on, if your clothes are there and not in the basket that has been provided for you (see Rule # 1,) you will give up the right to those clothes for a period of time deemed acceptable by me. (Or as long as I forget where I put them, whichever.)

Please Note: Your father does not have to adhere to these rules. I am his wife; I am your mother. It is my job to train you to do these things. He and I have a separate agreement, in which he makes the money and I do things like the laundry. Some day, you might be lucky enough to have a similar agreement with a lovely girl, but until then, it is my duty to prepare you to function in this capacity. Nor does your sister have to adhere to these rules. She now does all of her own laundry, remember?

If you choose to ignore some or all of these rules:
That means that you are choosing to do your own laundry. I haven't been teaching you that for nothing. Those skills might come in handy sooner than later. Your choice.

Lovingly,
Your Mother,