Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Unintended Benefits of Being 46

Last summer I turned 46 and some of the most amazing things have begun to happen. It's like the lessons that I've always nodded my head at are finally being internalized. I didn't set out to 'make' anything happen but it has. All on it's own.

And it's pretty cool.

Benefit #1:

I no longer care about the few pounds that have settled around my middle. Honestly. If I lose them, fine. If I don't, fine. I'm not 'really big', and I'm not/never have been 'tiny'. Wherever I hover in the middle is fine. Is my family happy and healthy? Are they fed? That's what's important. I also quit smoking in the last few months and if gaining a few means I've quit then I suppose it's good. I no longer care what you, or society, think about my weight.

Benefit #2:

I haven't stressed out about the holidays or other 'events' that our culture says that we have to out-do each other for. We traveled for the holidays again this year (3 years in a row!) and I didn't even start shopping until days after we arrived at our destination. I had a general idea of what I was going to be getting for everyone, and nothing was one of those types of things that was going to be gone in October. Not every gift, for birthdays or Christmas, has to be the MOSTFABULOUSOMGITSTHEBESTPRESENTEVER! Really, it doesn't. Something that the recipient wants or would love is fine. Even if it costs $5. Headless Dad and I set out to give "gift-card-less" gifts this year for most of our list. Guess what? We did it, and to our knowledge, most of the gifts we found were perfect. (Yes, we gave gift receipts.) It was way more fun to go out hunting for something that we knew each person would like rather than throw gift cards at them. You should try it. A no-stress holiday (or birthday,) is the way to go.

Benefit #3:

I've given up on chasing friendships that are not reciprocal. If we have a give and take relationship, great. We'll see each other when we can, not get bent out of shape when we can't, and pick up where we left off. However, if you can't make or find time for me, ever, then I'm done trying. --->> Funny thing about this one? Those 'friends' don't even notice. So, why exactly was I trying so hard in the first place?

Benefit #4:

By my being in 'middle age', my kids are closer to adulthood than diapers. Having teenagers is pretty cool. I really love spending time talking to these guys. Granted, they don't always like talking to me, and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get them to talk, but I really like who they are becoming. I know that they have a long way to go, but watching them grow and develop their passions is fun. We are getting better at spending time doing things together rather than everyone hiding out in a different corner of the house with our own screens and you know what? We actually like it. Ssshhhhh! Don't let the secret out!

I'm so glad that I've been listening to life lately. Life is pretty smart and I'm getting better at listening and putting the lessons to good use. Have you?


Shelby Maloney said...


So, thanks!

kyooty said...

I might be too young to get to this point yet? HA! yes I'm only 4yrs younger and yes at this point in life it's really all a wash of "same". I still have a body that needs work. I have the kind of body that will always need a lot of work to look a certain healthy size. If I let it all go I can easily end up large.
Friends, I feel the wounds of being let go. :( another friend let me go this week and they may think I don't know or notice, but I do. I really do notice that they are gone. I miss them, because I did put value in the friendship but I guess it wasn't the right value for them. I should be ok with that but it still feels like rejection.
I took like the Teen years. Even MJ who will be 10 in Feb is more fun than the idea of diapers and feedings. This christmas we also traveled and it was a good trip, with conversations. The kids are into asking questions and waiting for answers and talking to their Grandparents. I do miss the quiet nighttime moments rocking, but eventually grandchildren!!! :)

Kendra HeadlessMom said...


Chicky said...


Kendra HeadlessMom said...


Liz@thisfullhouse said...

#4...FOR REAL!

Melisa Wells said...

Hi. Late to the party but YES ALL OF THIS!

Carmen said...

I had a lot of wisdom the first three times I wrote a comment, but Blogger ate them, probably in an attempt to tell me to stifle, already.

What I was TRYING to say was that I've had a lot of friendships come and go and come back again and I have realized, lately, because I'm slow to learning - that it's not always about me and it's not always a bad thing. It might be that the other person had a need, I was able to fill that need, and now the need is gone. I find that friendships ebb and flow, because we are all changing all of the time - I for one and super thankful I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. I also try to remind myself often that I don't like everyone and everyone doesn't have to like me.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

That's a great point to be at in your life, I'm happy for you.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand how you are feeling. I get it.

Steph said...

Oh honey, I'm here if you need me.