Putting It Out There

Sometimes I read posts from friends like Becki (among others,) and I think "Man, she is so brave to put it all out there." After my last 48 hours, I understand a little how she does it. I'll start at the beginning....  And, for what it's worth, I'll try to be gentle on everyone's sensibilities. It is a colonoscopy that we're about to discuss.

Since My husband is past 50 and my dad had colon cancer, our doctor sent both of us to get colonoscopies. Yay! The 2 for 1 special! Ahem. HD went last Monday and the prep and procedure went perfectly. No sweat. Since I'm 'only' 46 I assumed that I would have it just as easy. Boy, was I wrong.

Sunday we went to church and did other things like a normal day, but I wasn't allowed to eat as part of the prep. Liquid diet until 4 pm, then start drinking the solution. Fine. The instructions say that most people start to, um, go after the first hour or so. Nope. Not me. I didn't start going after until 7 pm. (I had even started looking online for 'what if the prep doesn't work?') Anyway, I finally got to bed just before midnight.

My check in time was 9 am, so after getting the kids to school, we went down to the hospital. It was about an hour before I was called back to get ready and was taken in to the procedure room not long after that. The nurse in the procedure room introduced himself, and the female nurse that would be in the room as well. My doctor shook my hand and went back to doing something on his phone while the nurses did their thing. I was given the medication and quickly fell asleep, at about 10:15 or so. Not long after that I woke up. I remember feeling pain and silently starting to cry. I continued to feel what was going on and could see what they were doing on the tv screen. Have you ever been really deep in sleep and tried to wake yourself out of a nightmare? That is how I felt. I let out a pretty loud moan/cry. That's when I heard the doctor say "Shut her up!"

I don't remember anything else until about 12 when I woke up in the recovery room and they called my husband in. The nurse told us that they had removed about 5 polyps and they were sending them to the lab. I started crying and told my husband, in front of the nurse, what I remembered from the procedure. For the rest of the day I slept and ate a little. I think I was still not actually believing what happened to me.

Today, I'm still not believing it but in a different way. You hear stories of people waking up during surgery but I honestly never thought I'd be one of them. And then to feel pain? It's so hard to describe what that felt like. I am actually still in some pain today. Discomfort mostly. I'm now scared to go to the bathroom and scared that I'll start bleeding. I'm scared to go in next week to get the lab results and see this doctor. I'm scared. That's it.

I'm scared.

So, If you're the praying kind, I'd love to have a few headed my way. Not only for good lab results but for my nerves for the next 10 days. Thanks.