Wednesday, April 15, 2009

How Mommies Earn Their Diamonds

First you must have one child in the bed with you. This is very important for the husbands' contribution to follow soon.

Second, the child in bed with you should be hogging the bed with his feet firmly pressed into your back, shoving you into the most uncomfortable position possible. Preferably right next to your husband who sleeps very hot and sweaty. Right arm under your head and asleep, optional.

Third, your husband should wake you by saying loudly, "Someone's throwing up!", which should cause the mommy to shoot out of bed. Of course since it is dark, and you have various body parts that have fallen asleep because of the child in your bed, you are not quite sure what is going on or where you are. Not to mention the fact that you have to crawl all over the sleeping child to make it out of the bed in the first place.

Fourth, grab the small trash can and thrust it at the child that is throwing up, attempting to miss stepping in the first wave of vomit, already on the floor.

*Here is where the husband contributes!* Husband can now volunteer to take sleeping child from your bed to his own bed. *Phew* Glad he could help.

Fifth-clean up the throw-up-kid and deposit in your spot in the bed, next to the husband that is already snoring again.

Sixth, clean up. No need to "Eew" here because all other participating parties are already asleep and your breath would be wasted, not to mention the effort it would take to not say something snarky about someone sleeping while the other is cleaning up vomit. From her side of the bed. At 2 am.

Seventh, crawl back in bed and resume beginning position except this time you get to hug the edge of the bed directly over where the extravaganza happened in the first place.

This is entirely true. Somewhere for someone. But may have been slightly exaggerated for comedc effect. Maybe.

Headless Mom


headless girl :] said...

heard that whole ordeal...i felt bad...and no..i dont think there was any exaggerating..tell dad to get your wedding ring fixed cause of it!!

skyesofblue said...

So when I was divorced I had such a night with my son. He got sick in bed, down the stairs of the bunkbed & on the area rug in the bedroom. Then before he reached the toilet he managed to vomit all over the shower curtain, toilet and floor. I got him naked and shoved him in the shower saying "If you ever do that again I will kill you." Yes those words actully came out of my mouth. Well just want to let you know that now that he is 30 he laughs about it, but admits he was scared.
That's what you get after they spend the weekend with Dad.

kyooty said...

I had a huge belly laugh at "extravaganza"

Rocks In The Wash said...

Ewe...! I can smell it... ACK! I'm gagging just reading about your adventure.

Now if your family were truly "headless" there wouldn't be the possibility of throwing up.

Keetha said...

Oh it isn't exaggerated much - - -

I'd add one more thing to the story - - - hubby was sleeping DIRECTLY in the middle of the bed, taking up more than his fair share to begin with - - - then continue on with all the other stuff. :-)

Anonymous said...

Great post. I sent it to a girlfriend who just started a new job Monday -- and has spent the last two days at home with a vomiting kid...