Laughter is the Best Medicine

Best birthday gift for a 12 year old

I'm too tired to turn it. He laughed so hard when he saw it and it has become his favorite tshirt.

Win.

Tuesday got away from me

Many, many posts are brewing. I should start them all in draft so I don't forget anything. (Saying that more for me than you. I'll so forget.)

Today has been non stop. I didn't even get to do the breakfast dishes until after we ate dinner. No problem.  I've been going since 5:30 am. That's a problem. I'm tired, y'all.

So. Since I'm pooped I'm sharing a video with you. An old video. 5 years. But very funny. And yet another example of why we're headless. Yes, that's his HEAD. It's a talent, really.

HT to my HG for reminding me of this!

I'll be back tomorrow with a much more serious update. There's stuff to tell my friends.

OH! And if you missed yesterday's post, could you check it out and help out with a few clicks to vote for Hope Pavilion? Thanks!! We're up to 157 votes! Keep it up everyone!

Mayhem

Who ever thought of the idea for these commercials is brilliant. Mayhem makes me laugh every time.



Tweet

Note to Self

Me (to the 9yo): "Your fan is awfully squeaky."

Him: "Note to self: Never put a ceiling fan in a toddler's room."

Tweet

Those Crazy Kids

My daughter goes to a local Bible college. Do you know what kids that go to Bible college do for fun? Film themselves doing funny things. Very safe for work. Heh.



This is actually a friend of her boyfriend's. No humans were harmed in the filming of these shenanigans. I think. Well, maybe his ego.

Lunch Dates

I had to laugh yesterday when I read Jennifer's post on the subliminal messages that many of us SAHM's give to our husbands. "Gosh! I have so much time now that both kids are in school! And it's right at lunch time! How about that?!!"

I totally remember that. I had one boy in Kindergarten, the other in preschool 3 mornings a week and All.The.Time.In.The.World!!! (Yeah, pre-blog days...that's important, folks.) I dropped hints like babies drop toys for the 'I drop it, you pick it up' game. Like, endless.

Headless Dad eats out at lunch, oh, about 99 out of 100 workdays. Not that I really want to eat out that much, but since I don't like sandwiches, and I hate cooking anything for just me, I would like to eat lunch out more than I do. Oh, and there is that little thing of budget. If one is eating out, I must.save.the.money, and end up eating leftovers or some other crap that I don't want just so I have nourishment. Call the WAHmbulance now...

Back to yesterday...I laughed as I read her post because I remember those days of desperately wanting to go out and have some adult time! Adult conversation! No Cheerios added! And during those days I didn't have any friends. Literally, I had no one to call for an occasional lunch out. (Actually, not too different from now. Most of my friends work, homeschool, or live too far away. Yes, thank you I'd love some cheese with my whine!)

On Thursdays I volunteer in #2's classroom from 9-10 helping with their writing assignments. (Heh. I know! It's like I have a degree or something...) So when I got home I sat down to write a post for IEF. I wrote. I linked. I resized pictures. I edited. I published.

Er, no I didn't.

Crap. Where did it go? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!11!!!!!

Yes, it was lost. After over an hour of work it was gone. And like clockwork, or the biggest irony of the week? Headless Dad called to ask me to go to lunch with him.

AHahahahahhahahahaha... Yeah, like I have time for that today!??!! I have to get this post up, and finish the smelly load of laundry and figure out something for dinner and iron (that I should have done 3 days ago) and And AND!!!11!!!!!!!

So, that's the tale of How I Got What I Wished For, A Few Years Later. Good luck with that, Jen.

Just Curious-Pet Peeves, Part 2

Great answers on my previous Just Curious post, ladies. I laughed reading them again! Yes, many of those things Headless Dad does as well but around here there are 2 things that he does daily that make me roll my eyes.
1) Paper Towel Bombs-He is addicted to paper towels. He uses them to dry his hands, dry the dishes, as a paper plate for lunches, everything. BUT! They (almost) NEVER make it into the trash. I am constantly grabbing them and putting them in the bin which is usually directly under the spot on the counter where he's left it. Gah! And if he's cooking that day/night? They are all over.
2) He disappears each night. Yes, he goes off to bed, but never tells me when he's going. Sometimes I'll go into the kitchen to get a glass of water and by the time I get back to the family room, (which is practically the same room,) he's gone. Poof!

Now, here's this weeks question. We're moving on to the children in our lives. Not our own! What do other children do that drive you nuts? Is it in the grocery store? In your child's class? A niece or nephew? Grandchild? What are the habits that you say, "Gosh I'm glad he/she isn't mine!" Don't leave a name or identifying quality, just the silly habit. Like last week, I want this one to be light and fun.

Thanks for playing along!

How you know it's not your best day

• You think you're organized because of the list you have for the grocery store so you head on out.
• You forget that you have to stop by the school.
• So you turn around and go back to the school.
• Finally on the road, you pull into the grocery store parking lot.
• Notice that it is 105 on the bank sign. Sigh heavily.
• Grocery shop. Feeling good when you can cross something off of your incredibly organized list.
• Feel bad when you remember one two three, oh to hell with it, 10 MORE ITEMS and add them to the list.
• Finish quickly anyway and find a line that has only one man with one item in front of you. (Try not to get too smug here.)(You know something's coming, right?!)
• Think you're pretty cool for finding a bunch of $1.00 deals, and your total bill will be pretty small.
• Go to pay.
• Search for your wallet.
• Search some more.
• Realize your purse isn't that big. 
• Realize that you have your checkbook. Yay!
• Write check.
• Get asked for you ID. (Really? I haven't been carded for anything in years, why, Universe, do you need to see my ID today?)
• Tell checker that you don't have it. Oops!
• Have checker hold your stuff.
• Go home.
• Get wallet. Look for that $6 coupon you thought you had. 
• Find coupon. It's not valid until next week. 
• Husband, running in for lunch, asks why your car is still running. Tell story.
• Drive back to store.
• Pay for cart full of groceries.
• Apologize to customer in line for 'cutting' to pay your bill.
• Go home. Again!
• Begin to make dinner.
• Slop what you're mixing all over the bowl and counter.
• Want to give up and just have a cocktail but can't because of football practice. *Sigh*
• Realize that tomorrow is a "No Students" day at the school.
• Jump for joy!

Totally NSFW

(not safe for work,)...OR AROUND YOUR CHILDREN. Or, if you're easily offended. Feel free to click away. No, this is not one of my normal, family friendly posts. This is, well, kinda disturbing. See also, laughed my butt off.

Even more disturbing is the fact that my 19 year old daughter was the one that showed it to me. How do you say "Awkward!"?

And because I can't leave this alone, here is the response:


I wonder what videos my generation would have made had all of this technology been available to us as 20-somethings? I can't even wrap my head around some of this.

But yet, I'm still laughing. Wonder what that says about me?

Five Dollar Foot Long

I think that these are some of the most obnoxious commercials on the planet. This song has been in my head for the better part of the week. Of course, the advertising execs are cheering because, Hey! That's the point! Me? I'm weeping.



*****
On Monday after school HB#2 took a break from homework to use the bathroom. The kid is notorious for taking his sweet time in there, but after a while I called in to him to see if everything was *ahem* coming out ok. He walked out of the bathroom, with his pants at his ankles and exclaimed, "Wow, Mom! I really need a shower after that one!"

Uh, thanks, kid, for the visual, but go right ahead!

So after dropping his clothes by the laundry room he headed upstairs. Right about then, our friend that has been painting our house outside, and doing a few other things inside, came in to use the restroom and finish a project upstairs. The light bulb went off in my head and I shouted upstairs to #2 "Did you flush the toilet?" Oh my. No, he hadn't. "Sorry, P!"

(Luckily he has a son the same age as my boys.) He just laughed, but omg I was mortified.

*****

Later that evening Headless Dad called to talk to the boys. (Yes, he's been out of town all this week too, and yes, he took most of my sanity with him.) I overheard #2 saying this to his dad: "Dad! I had a Five Dollar Foot Long today!" {what I'm guessing HD said was something like "Huh?" because he knows that I hate Subway...} "No, Dad. My poop was a Five Dollar Foot Long!"

*****

I'll never hear that commercial the same way again, and I'm guessing, neither will you. You're welcome.

The Truth About Why You're in a Traffic Jam

How to feel good..

Oh, before you read on, have you taken my survey yet? Come on, help a girl out!

I'm sure many of you have seen this before, but damn, it's funny. (Altered slightly to apply to ME, because it is my blog, right?)

I am passing this on to you because it works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Today show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Nancy Snyderman proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of wine, a bag of Doritos, the remainder of my old Zoloft prescription, the rest of the chocolate chip cookies, and some Halloween candy.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

H/T to our friend RC for helping me remember to laugh today!

Shoulders Seem to be the Theme of the Week

So back in September, (the 13th to be exact,) Headless Dad dislocated his shoulder by playing with #2, also known as the Monster Child. Or maybe it should be the Mountain Child since he is no longer able to be moved by either his father or me. And we spent a lovely 4 hours in the ER instead of spending a lovely Sunday afternoon with my parents.

Then in November, he did it again. Boom. Another 3 hours in the ER. (Thank God we've got good insurance.) This time, he was assembling a pitch-back net for #1 to practice baseball. This time also bought him an MRI with contrast which he said was sooooo pleasant.

Flash forward. Monday night, immediately following the BSU win over TCU, HD had gone upstairs to supervise the kids while they were brushing his teeth. Important to know only because he was doing, well, NOTHING, and yet he still dislocated the SOB shoulder. I must note however, that this time my sentence the wait at the hospital was only 2 1/2 hours. We're getting this down to a science. See also? #shouldknowthedrsandnursesbyname

So, yeah, third time's a charm. It buys you surgery! (For those of you keeping track, yes, it will be his second surgery in about 14 months. Wanna cookie?)

What this means to you? Maybe nothing, unless you are going to Blissdom. I had a teeny tiny chance of going until tonight. Yep. Surgery will be less than a week before I would have to leave, so it's a no go. Not going to Blissdom? Yay! We can whine wine whine together!

Overheard

The scene: Bedtime at the Headless household. Boys in bed, waiting on kisses from their parents.

Headless Dad: (holding one of my bras) Hey! Do you guys know what this is called?

Headless Boy #1: Yeah, a bra.

HD: Anything else?

HB#1: ?????

HD: It's an Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder!

HB#1 and #2: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

HB#2: Hey Dad! Say that again!

HD: Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder!

HB#1 and #2: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Top Ten Reasons I Won't Be Watching Jay Leno This Fall

Have you heard? Jay will be on 5 nights a week in the 10:00 time slot, before the evening news. Here are my top Ten Reasons I Won't Be Watching Leno This Fall:

• 10-Pacific PrimeTime TV is on too late.
  
• 9-Even though his comedy is supposedly 'equal opportunity,' it's not usually.
  
• 8-How many times a week can we really see Jay Walking?
  
• 7-I would miss the "Dun-Dun" of Law and Order too much.
  
• 6-The drama on Grey's Anatomy usually wipes me out.
  
• 5-Are there really that many stupid people to sign the form to say, "Yeah! Show me on TV not knowing who our president is!"?
  
• 4-I prefer sitcoms if I want to laugh.
• 3-If I'm going to snuggle up with an older guy, I'd rather do it with my husband. Or Letterman.
  
• 2-The loss of ER at the 10 o'clock spot is still too much to bear.
  
• And the Number One reason I won't be watching Jay Leno this fall is.... He's just not that funny.
  

Quoted

John O'Hurley, in the May 2009 PGA Tour Partners Magazine: (complete the sentence)

My worst vice is "I collect wine, but I don't have any rare wines because it's rare that there's any wine left in my house."

Hey John? Wanna come over? I think we'd be good friends.

Sunday YouTube

Have you seen this one yet? It's of a baby laughing at Wii Golf. Go forth and drink in this laughter. It's great!

How Mommies Earn Their Diamonds

First you must have one child in the bed with you. This is very important for the husbands' contribution to follow soon.

Second, the child in bed with you should be hogging the bed with his feet firmly pressed into your back, shoving you into the most uncomfortable position possible. Preferably right next to your husband who sleeps very hot and sweaty. Right arm under your head and asleep, optional.

Third, your husband should wake you by saying loudly, "Someone's throwing up!", which should cause the mommy to shoot out of bed. Of course since it is dark, and you have various body parts that have fallen asleep because of the child in your bed, you are not quite sure what is going on or where you are. Not to mention the fact that you have to crawl all over the sleeping child to make it out of the bed in the first place.

Fourth, grab the small trash can and thrust it at the child that is throwing up, attempting to miss stepping in the first wave of vomit, already on the floor.

*Here is where the husband contributes!* Husband can now volunteer to take sleeping child from your bed to his own bed. *Phew* Glad he could help.

Fifth-clean up the throw-up-kid and deposit in your spot in the bed, next to the husband that is already snoring again.

Sixth, clean up. No need to "Eew" here because all other participating parties are already asleep and your breath would be wasted, not to mention the effort it would take to not say something snarky about someone sleeping while the other is cleaning up vomit. From her side of the bed. At 2 am.

Seventh, crawl back in bed and resume beginning position except this time you get to hug the edge of the bed directly over where the extravaganza happened in the first place.

This is entirely true. Somewhere for someone. But may have been slightly exaggerated for comedc effect. Maybe.

Charlie

I know we've all seen this about a hundred times, but it never fails to make me laugh.



Do you have a funny story about your kids that we would laugh at? Are you one of the rare ones that has video from your childhood? Please tell us about it!