It's been 7 years since I started this blog, and six since my first BlogHer conference. I'm not OG. (I just found out what that meant. Original Gangster.) I'm not a newbie. I have many, many OG friends and many, many newbie friends. I'm stuck in the middle.
Last night I saw an old friend. I've connected with her many times at conferences and online. Shared a cocktail. But because of my own insecurities I've never really known how she felt about me. My policy has always been that since I'm not an OG I'm happy to stay in the background or on the fringes. Those relationships came before me and I understand that history sometimes trumps. I don't want to look like a squealing fangirl. That's not who I am.
I stood on the edge of her circle to say hello, alternating between waiting for her conversation to end and having my own but not getting the chance to talk to her. A little while later when she saw me she jumped up and gave me the biggest hug and said how great it was to see me, it had been so long, and we've known each other for years!
Like I usually do, I put my foot in my mouth, thinking that she must have mistaken me for someone else. No, she knew it was me. Her reaction was exactly what she wanted it to be; I was the insecure one.
*****
To be perfectly clear, this person has never, ever done anything to make me feel not a part of the group. "It's not you, it's me," totally applies here.
I may still be stuck in the middle in many ways but because of one woman's generous acceptance of me-acceptance that I never asked for nor expected, I feel like I belong.
Finally.
~ headless mom
2 comments:
That is wonderful, I'm so happy you had this amazing experience!
I know exactly what you mean - and not just in blogging land but in general. Have faith in yourself and well... I'll work on that, too :) PS I'll ALWAYS give you a huge hug and be grateful to see you. xoxo
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