Friday, January 22, 2010

The Laundry Manifesto

Dear Headless Boy #1 and Headless Boy #2,

I believe that it is time, at 8 and 10 years of age, for you both to have all the rules. We've been talking about these things for a while now, but today is where the talking ends and the doing begins. There is nothing here that is new or should surprise you. I guess it's just time for it all to be out there, on the line, so to speak.

1- The Basket Rule
No more asking you to pick it all up and put it in. Nope. This is one that we've gone over since you were 2 and could undress yourself. 8 and 6 years (respectively) of reminding is enough, I'm afraid. A basket has been provided for you and is conveniently located in your closet. Use it. If it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed. Period.

2- Inside Out?
If your clothes hit the basket inside out, then that is how they will come out of the wash. If you couldn't take the time to do it before, you'll have to do it before they are worn.

3- Money
Any money left in the pockets of your clothing that comes out in the wash or dry cycle becomes the property of the person doing the laundry. Yes, usually that is me. It's the only time I get paid actual cash money around here and I refuse to forfeit that. If you want to keep your money then clean out your pockets when you disrobe, otherwise, I will consider it a tip for a job well done. Thankyouverymuch.

4-Stain Removal
If your garment has a stain on it, you need to either: A-put it on the washer so it gets noticed separately from the other clothes, or B-tell me about it and hand the garment to me. If these things don't happen you give up the right to wearing stain-free clothing. Replacement of said stained items is not an option.

5-Family Room
Contrary to popular belief, this room is for tv viewing and general family togetherness. It is NOT, however, your own personal laundry basket. From now on, if your clothes are there and not in the basket that has been provided for you (see Rule # 1,) you will give up the right to those clothes for a period of time deemed acceptable by me. (Or as long as I forget where I put them, whichever.)

Please Note: Your father does not have to adhere to these rules. I am his wife; I am your mother. It is my job to train you to do these things. He and I have a separate agreement, in which he makes the money and I do things like the laundry. Some day, you might be lucky enough to have a similar agreement with a lovely girl, but until then, it is my duty to prepare you to function in this capacity. Nor does your sister have to adhere to these rules. She now does all of her own laundry, remember?

If you choose to ignore some or all of these rules:
That means that you are choosing to do your own laundry. I haven't been teaching you that for nothing. Those skills might come in handy sooner than later. Your choice.

Lovingly,
Your Mother,
Headless Mom

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really agree with rule 2 & 3 and use them regularly with Bill.

Just Breathe said...

Yep they should get it by now but it sounds pretty typical of boys.
Great post!

Tracey said...

I AM GOING TO FRAME THIS AND PUT IT IN SAMUEL'S ROOM FOR LATER!

Keetha Broyles said...

Oh how I remember those laundry wars!!!

My youngest finally had to start doing HIS OWN 'cause it was NEVER in the basket.

Laundry life is A LOT simpler now that it's just Fisherhubby and me here.

And Fisherhubby even does it sometimes.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Ugh, I am giving my girls your manifesto. I don't care if they ARE 2 and 6, I am so tired of picking their clothes up from the floor!

Mommy, I'm Home said...

Think I might give The Midge your manifesto. That kid couldn't find a hamper if it popped up in the middle of the hallway and smacked her in the butt...

Anonymous said...

Lovely. Cheers from here!

ramblinred said...

DIT.TO!!!

My eldests are 6 and 9 but the same things apply - with a sidenote that if I find clean, folded clothes on the floor, or worse yet, in the DIRTY laundry!!!, they also forfeit something....like their lives, lol.

*sigh* I love your disclaimer about dad, too b/c my daughter would totally pull a "Well, what about Daddy," hissy if that weren't there!

becca said...

ha! Love #3! I'd take the cash too! Unfortunately, I'm the only one who leaves money in my pockets around here! I need to remind Hannah to take the rocks out of her pockets before she puts her pants into her basket!

AmazingGreis said...

LMAO, great rules. The money rule is my favorite, one that I have always adhered to. If I find it, it's mine! :)

superpaige said...

I LOVE it! I've had to lay own the laundry rules for my kids, too. Sometimes they remember, sometimes they don't. And what is the deal with the amount of socks in the laundry room?