Friday, January 25, 2008

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Thank you all for your lovely comments about Granny. My family asked me to read that as the eulogy. I'm really not the writer in the family, my brother is, but I got through it and everyone said it was good. My trip back for the funeral was good-I got to see many friends and relatives that I don't often get to see. Had a great visit, and ate some amazing desserts. (Things always end up being about food...funny, that is.) The trip wasn't long enough, but they never are.

HD got me a the airport and took me out to lunch on the way home. That doesn't happen very often! It was nice to talk and reconnect. He said that he vaguely remembers the single dad thing, but was VERY glad that I was home. Upon arriving home I was happy to see that the house was still standing.

HB2 was the first to get home from school. He couldn't stop smiling and snuggling. I love this in my children, even when it isn't the norm any more. He didn't even have much to say, just smiles and loves. Precious boy!

HB1 couldn't stop talking. For about 3 hours. Truly. Then all he did was cry and whine. I half lost it at dinner, (How dare I cook something? and it not be perfect?), and slammed out of the house for a cleansing moment. When I returned he was coming to apologize. But seriously, when mom has been gone for (only) 2 days, this is the last thing that she wants to hear. I am the mean mom that almost made him go to bed in the middle of dinner and not come out until morning, where upon rising he would have to eat the uneaten portion of his dinner for breakfast. That changed his tune right quick!

My heartache, though, is for my precious Headless Girl. She returned from youth group last night in tears. Hers are not the tears of teenage angst, but of deep sorrow. They discussed the loss of or bad relationship with a parent. [For privacy sake I cannot go into the details, but suffice it to say that the relationship in question is not HD or myself.] There are questions that we just can't answer, and even if we did, the answer is only our side of the story as we know it. Blessed sweet angel girl, if I could take away all of the hurt and pain I would. I really hope that someday she gets the TRUTHFUL answers to her questions and can move past this terrible stage of blaming herself and not knowing. (Really, though, I think that she knows many of the answers but does not yet want to face them. She is a child, and some things children shouldn't have to go through if it were a perfect world.) I am grateful that she said that I can/have been filling 99.9% of the mom thing for her. I know that there is that little part that I can never fill, and it breaks my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

Now the rest of my reality beckons: the vacuum, the laundry, the dishes, the exercising, the shower, life. Kiss your family today, the reality of their being, their existence, is beauty in your life. This week I was reminded just how precious the ones we love are, no matter how long they've been around or how far away.


Keetha said...

So glad you made it there and back safely. Sounds like you had a good time. (Under these circumstances, it is a coronation celebration rather than a dirge.)

Glad HD was able to pick you up at the AP and you could have a nice date.

Sam said...

Don't kid yourself, sis, you can turn a phrase with the best of 'em. :)

And re:HB1, Alice (you know, my wife? For privacy reasons, too...) has gone through the same thing with the kids upon "re-entry". Call and tell her the story and she'll have some to share back. You're not alone, and sometimes that's good enough, you know?