Monday, January 28, 2008

What would you do?

We have been members of the same church for a looong time. For years we volunteered in many ministries and were there lots during a week. We love Jesus. We know a lot of people there. There is just one problem. There is no one, I mean NO ONE that I would consider a close friend.

To say that I don't try would be ok; but I used to. A lot. Headless Dad and I have hosted many home groups, attended many fellowship things, prayer meetings, etc. To no avail. Many that attend our church are in recovery-and don't get me wrong, that is great. For them. We, however, can have a glass of wine without a problem (which you know if you read here with any regularity that I love my wine.) I still sing in the worship band, and we go (almost) every Sunday. I've recently started a Bible study with 2 other women from the church and although I consider them friends, I don't know if they would be considered close friends (yet).

There are things that we could do-volunteer more, go more, etc. But to be honest with you I'm kinda tired of trying. It is difficult to get out of the house on week nights because of bed times, (church is about 15-20 min. away,), and HD's job is a 24/7 on call thingy-someone has to be here for the Headless boys if he is called in. And now, when I do go to anything besides Sunday service, (and sometimes even then), I feel like an outsider. There seems to be no one "like me" there. We won't leave until at least after Headless Girl graduates-it is her home church-she has grown up there. The boys have a few friends there, but they're still young. HD said last night that he thinks he has closed the doors of friendship on his own, for whatever that is worth.

I have prayed about this but I don't think I've received an answer--is that my answer?

What would you do? Stick it out (because it's all you know?) or try something new? But where to start? Have you ever felt this way? What did you do? What did you tell your kids? Help!!


Keetha said...

The one fact that leaps out at me is the distance to your church. If finding a church closer to your home is possible, you would probably be more likely to be able to be more involved midweek and still get the hb's home and in bed on time.

As for where to start - - - what about trying the churches that your friends do go to.

I am a PK, so all my growing up years there wasn't a choice.

Here in this county there are like 18 of our denominational churches. Choosing a church here was a much bigger deal than anywhere else we've ever lived.

Queen B said...

I think that finding a church is one of the most difficult things we've done. It took years. Lots of years. I kind of felt like Goldilocks...this one's too big, this one's too small...yet, we've never found the "just right".

A sweet (and very candid) friend told me to look for a church where I could serve--not to look for one where I would be served. Well, yuck. So we did that. And we found ourselves at a really small start up church. And I don't necessarily think I've found the greatest friends there, but I have found a place where God is using me and I know He knows what I need.

If you constantly have that unsettled feeling, I think it is smart to pay attention to that. There is nothing wrong with visiting other churches to see how it feels somewhere else. Sorry for the long blog. The subject is near and dear to my heart :)

Sam said...

Are you lamenting not having close friends, or close friends at church?

I think that the queen here has a point in that you might want to examine why you're going to that church, or what it is besides God that you get out of church.

Myself, I've as of late been struggling mightily with the fact that I don't have any close friends close by. I don't really go to church (although we have one that we love going to), but I don't even really have friends from work, or close neighbor friends. Which has been it's own challenge. I'm hoping that having one of my best friends back in town changes that somewhat.

But we'll see.

I hope this helped. :)