Sunday, September 7, 2008

You Knew It Would Happen

OK. I'll admit it. I cried tonight when Headless Girl went back to school. We got to see her for a couple of hours at dinner. I thought that I was going to be the strong one, the one that didn't 'break'.

I really do miss her. "Hey! HG! We miss you around here!!"

(Do you think she heard me?)

I am so proud of her, but she already seems a little different. Maybe it was that she was tired. Maybe it was that she just had more homework to do before she went to bed.

Headless Dad asked if she would ever really need us again. I suppose she will, for the little things, (oh, yeah, and when she wants to throw a shindig of a wedding. NOT HAPPENING SOON, ya hear? ;-) ). But for the most part she won't need us much.

I am looking forward to the long conversations that we will have, maybe over breaks and such, that have a more 'adult' feel to them. She has always been so grown up, so mature. For now she's just answering questions about how it is, what she likes, what she doesn't. I want to know more, but I don't want to push. I'll leave that to her dad.

I know the talks will come. She is comfortable here. I hope she knows she can always come home, forever welcome. Her bed and room is just as she left them. I can't even bring myself to 'tidy up' yet. I suppose she will come in another month or so-certainly she will give us the pleasure of singing 'Happy Birthday' to our little girl that isn't so little anymore. She'll only be 18, you know.

Still so much a little girl, but so much a young woman with the world at her feet.

It is strange in the afternoon. I sit at the kitchen table with her brothers doing homework and still wait for her to get home from school or cheer practice, bubbling with the drama of the day.

It hasn't happened yet, and I'm afraid it won't ever again.

OK. I'll admit it. I'm crying as I write this post. I'm really the one who broke.

I'm so proud of her. Our beautiful Bug. My sweet little Girl, all grown up.

Headless Mom


Tracey said...

I am the last of eight children and my mom said when I finally went off to school...she stood in the middle of the kitchen and let out a big scream.....when my dad came running and asked what was wrong she said it was just too quiet!!!

Queen B said...

Bless your heart. I think that after the craziness of the first week or two of school, you are totally due a good cry.

And before long, your new normal will begin to feel more comfortable.

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

OK, now I'm crying too and I don't even know your headless family....

Sam said...

"It is strange in the afternoon. I sit at the kitchen table with her brothers doing homework and still wait for her to get home from school or cheer practice, bubbling with the drama of the day."

That's probably the most sad paragraph you've ever written here.

My oldest is 10 and that paragraph just absolutely.... I think I'm about to cry.


The circle turns around....

headless girl :] said...

you made me cry!!!

i'll definitely come home for my birthday..and dinners (cause the ones here suck)

i love you mom

headless girl :] said...

and it is tidy!!!

i cleaned it before i left

Kelly said...

Oh for goodness sake, I'm over here boo hooing and I have work to do! and now I feel guilty that I am so happy it is Monday and mine are in school all day!

You and headless dad did a fantastic job raising her and guess what? She'll still need you, just in a different way. Have a good cry, eat some chocolate, blog a little.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Major tears of empathy coming your way.

This *is* a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Steph said...

OMG I am crying! Can't read the comments even! I'll come back, promise...OMG, it's BabyAm's last year of HS....OMG....crying more!

Sorry I'm a boob, I sooo feel for you!

Sam said...

Hey sis, just found this - thought it might be able to help with HG's college costs. (And mine as well. :)

Kylie w Warszawie said...

Aw, this is so sweet. I teared up.

My littlest one started preschool this year and while I was SO happy to have them all gone, I actually got scared in my house. It was so quiet.

The TV hasn't been turned off since.